As per an announcement from the faculty principal of the Capstone Scholars Program, beginning in the Spring 2016 semester, the program will be renamed the “Almost Honors Program.”
The administrator said in his recent statement to the press, “We wanted to have a program designed for the many students who really wanted to be in the Honors College but were too lazy to earn a spot. The new name serves as a great way to distinguish these students as being slightly above average while offering them no added benefits for being in the program.”
In order to make the program sound more legitimate for the nearly-distinguished students, the administration explained their desire to add an element of leadership and service because “those words sound really good and they help the program to appear legitimate, at least for a brief time.”
One of the new opportunities the Almost Honors students will explore will be the “Spend a day with an Honors College student” program. Modeled after the Make-a-Wish foundation, a few lucky Almost Honors students will be able to spend one day with their favorite Honors student and possibly get their autograph by the end of the day.
While some have criticized this renamed program, President Pastides responded yesterday, saying “Some people say that the Almost Honors Program is a meaningless way to distinguish as many USC students as possible, and I could not have better captured the essence of what the Capstone Scholars Program is all about.”
As one anonymous Capstone student commented: “It’s such a privilege to be known as someone who was almost admitted to the Honors College. Now, when I look at my poster of James Richardson, my favorite Honors student, I remember that maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow up to be just like him.”