Autopsy results of former USC student Graham Jennings revealed that his cause of death was poor dieting. The 20-year collapsed last month while studying in the Thomas Cooper Library.
Richland County Coroner Gary Watts said that Cooper’s death can be attributed to his extremely malnourished diet which consisted of “90% Hot Pockets and Pringles.” In an email sent to USC students today, Watts warned, “No matter how delicious, satisfying and easy to prepare they are, your diet must consist of other foods beyond Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pockets and Cheddar Cheese Pringles.”
In an interview, Watts said that Jennings’ autopsy was the most difficult he has had to perform in his career. “Never before had I seen a more malnourished, sickly person in my life. I felt like an archaeologist digging through the caked layers of Pringles in his stomach. As such, the deterioration of his health appeared to have happened in stages: the BBQ Era, the Salt and Vinegar Era, and finally the Cheddar Cheese Era.”
At press time, the Russell House Bookstore was selling bulk packages of Hot Pockets and Pringles for $50/bundle.