Aries: You are Jonathan Maxcy. You’re the first on the list, so naturally you would be the first president of the University! Maxcy was the only University President to die in office; which is cool, because you say about ten times a day that your school work is killing you.
Leo: You are Francis Lieber. Like Lieber, you only came here because you couldn’t get into your choice school right away. Not only that, but your attempts to make it to the top will ultimately fail. Good luck on that chem test.
Sagittarius: You are John McBryde. You’re cheap, and that makes lots of guys attracted to you.
Taurus: You are John Palms. You’re actually pretty cool, but no one really knows that…so I guess that puts you in the same boat as Robert Henry.
Virgo: You are Robert Henry. Why? Because he’s irrelevant and so are you. He’s so irrelevant, he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. I’m assuming you don’t either, because of how irrelevant you are.
Capricorn: You got Augustus Longstreet. You’ve recently cut a lot of toxic people out of your life, just like when Augustus Longstreet suspended half of the student body for trying to get the day off.
Gemini: You are William Preston. You think you’re better than everyone else, don’t you? You and your fancy dining hall and your special meal plan. Whatever. I’ll just go to Russell House because they have options.
Libra: You are Darius Rucker.
Aquarius: You are William Patterson. You may look nice, but the dorm that’s named after you isn’t even that cool. Don’t get a big head.
Cancer: You got James Holderman. Just click the link. You’ll see what I mean.
Scorpio: You are Donald Russell. Sound familiar? That’s right, the Russell House gets its name from this guy. And just like the Russell House, your life is full of people who are bored and have nowhere else to go.
Pisces: You are Harris Pastides. Because he’s a Pisces and so are you.