Following his recent first round K.O. of the president of Columbia College, President Harris Pastides of USC has done much to express his overwhelming confidence when it comes to his last-man-standing cage match versus Clemson President James “The Clementine” Clements scheduled for this Saturday.
Calling Clements “hardly worth the effort,” Pastides, who prefers the title “Big Cock” for his fighting endeavors, took to social media to promote the fight:
Meanwhile, interns in the President’s office have been working hard to ensure that every aspect of the fight is perfect.
“This is definitely the best job I’ve ever had,” Paul Serrano, a sophomore and new hire from Pastides’ staff told us. “But it’s been a challenging couple of weeks; a lot of parents have complained about the content of Big Cock’s tweets. But I think when they see all the pictures I’m going to post of President Clements once he’s savagely beaten, they’ll understand that his maiming is in the best interest of the entire Gamecock community.”
Though The Third Spur attempted to reach President Pastides himself, his wife Patricia told us was simply too busy preparing for the fight to accept an interview.
“He isolates himself before a fight,” she explained. “If you go in there, he’ll hit you. He will hit you until he kills you.”
She added that any student who wants to catch the fight—for two loyalty points—should follow Big Cock’s twitter account for the most up-to-date information.