Popular Five-Points bar The Horseshoe has announced their “Get Fucked for Finals” deals, lasting from April 24th to May 3rd.
Patrons are encouraged to bring their study materials with them and receive a complementary kamikaze shot and an optional line of cocaine in the restroom. Study groups of three or more will be given fishbowls.
Freshman Cody Strummer is among the many excited for the event:
“Academics are really important. If I don’t encourage myself a little bit I’m just going to burn out before my exams. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college it’s that if you want to score, you need a good tequila shot to give you the confidence, and some heavy blow to give you that edge. I think that same logic applies to exams; they’re tough and you gotta be on your game.”
Strummer was later removed from the bar after the bouncer “felt [Strummer] was ready for his exam” after he vomited on another patron’s calculus textbook.
Hours of operation are expected to be 6pm to 6 am daily, and beer will be half-priced after midnight if students show their notes to the bartender.
Manager Mike Davis told Third Spur reporters that he is committed to ensuring Carolina students will keep coming back for as many semesters as possible. “Horseshoe will continue to support that level of academic performance,” he said.
At this time, no other Five Points establishments are offering finals deals, but Pavlov’s Bar is reportedly opening a study area in the men’s restroom trough.