University administration reported that a total of nine students were suspended for the remainder of the semester, after their parents were reprimanded for drinking too much at the ECU tailgate during Parents Weekend.
While most parents were kept in check by Walmart vegetable and cheese trays, some could not contain themselves and drank like they were back in their college glory days. “My mom met me at our tailgate spot at noon after a three hour pre-pregame,” said sophomore John Daniels. “Once she showed up, it was over: my dad, my 15-year-old sister, my great-grandmother – they were all gone before I knew it.” Senior Steven Walters was visibly angry after he was notified of his suspension. “It’s such a double standard,” he stated. “I don’t get wasted in front of my parents. Why do they think it’s OK to do it in front of me?”
Officer Darian Johnson of the USC Police Department was first alerted to the overly intoxicated parents when a stumbling mother caused a stir by showing embarrassing baby photos of her freshman son to everyone nearby. The freshman, who wished to remain nameless, said “both my girlfriend and the frat I’m pledging into dropped me.”
The parents, whom were released with only written warnings from the police, all came to the simple consensus that the students’ efforts to pregame were much weaker than back in their day. One mom, after an eight game win streak at a beer pong table, went so far as to say, “These frat boys can’t handle their alcohol – they were completely hammered after only four bottles of wine!”
The school is looking into consequences for the parents as well as various ways to reduce the epidemic of excessive parental drinking at future tailgates. “We haven’t decided on anything yet, but most likely if the problem persists, their kids will have to take an AlcoholEdu course for them. ” Officer Johnson added. “That, or maybe we’ll just give them some weed instead.”