Freshman Colby Jenkins was just seen putting a condom into his wallet, while smirking to himself and claiming, “you never know.” The condom, acquired from the student health center, was hastily stuffed into Jenkins’ wallet before he began boldly walking in the general direction of Five Points. “I do hear college girls like sex,” Jenkins sheepishly admitted. “Not that I would ever act on such a notion! I have [the condom] for something more than a random hookup.”
Jenkins, a self-proclaimed virgin, stated that he’s waiting to find the right girl to not have sex with, but to make love to, and he isn’t rushing in with any haste. “Making love for the first time is a monumental occasion, and you never really know when it’s gonna happen. If it happens at a bar? Well, so be it. That’s why I have [the condom].” Colby goes on to denigrate random hook-ups, saying those who seek meaningless sex are missing the point.
“I want to satisfy a woman, physically and emotionally. I don’t understand guys who only get theirs without thinking about the woman.” Jenkins claims that he went to the sexual consent seminar seven times the first week of school, in addition to extensively researching sexual positions that provide the most pleasure for females. “Like my scoutmaster always said, ‘Be Prepared!’”
At press time, Jenkins was seen at Papa Jazz Record Shoppe asking for “the best music to make love to.”