Super Senior Really Gonna Buckle Down this Semester

This semester is going to be different for sixth-year senior Justin Eloy, who plans on “really buckling down and wrapping up [his] schooling.” Eloy says his cumulative 1.7 GPA isn’t slowing him down, either.

“Look, just because I’ve changed majors four times, including last semester, doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said. “I’m just biding my time and making sure I know what I want to do.”

Over the past five academic years, Eloy’s majors have included Political Science, Criminal Justice, Communications, Art History, and his current major, Psychology. Justin’s professors have called him “both lackadaisical and apathetic,” an assessment that, after checking the terms on, Justin agrees with. “Yeah, I’ve never liked the whole ‘school’ thing,” Eloy claimed while scrolling through the DrinkingTicket twitter page. “I always liked going to Pav’s with the boys better than studying, but that won’t happen this time around.”

In addition to changing his major, Eloy decided to pick up a theater minor this semester. “College is really the best time to experience the arts, so I need to take this opportunity while I still have it,” he claimed. Eloy went on to explain that he’ll be taking four theater classes this semester in order to “really give it the attention it deserves.”

As for the future, Justin says he has everything all planned. “Once I find the Student Success Center, I’m gonna pick up a couple internships, probably take some Maymesters, and maybe do some graduate work too.”

At press time, eyewitnesses claimed Eloy was watching a tutorial on how to create a LinkedIn page.