President Pastides, a long-time Blowfisher, announced today via Twitter that Darius Rucker’s famous cover of Wagon Wheel will become the new fight song of USC.
The lead singer of late 80s band Hootie & the Blowfish was, of course, the singular successful graduate of our university. Rucker, a symbol as ubiquitous as Cocky himself, is what Pastides described to The Third Spur as “my personal Jesus.” The 51-year-old messiah is being rightfully honored with his sweet voice now becoming the university’s fight song. This swap made in an effort to reinforce the fact that Darius Rucker did indeed go here.
When asked to comment about the decision, Pastides said, “this should have happened long ago. Wagon Wheel shouldn’t just be the anthem of USC but of the country. That old shit from 1812 needs to go anyways.”
Rucker, taking a break from filming his sequel appearance on Undercover Boss, told The Third Spur that in honor of the change he will “definitely probably be having a free concert on the Horseshoe” under the stipulation that USC win the national championship and all students maintain above a 3.5 GPA.
Now, at every football game, alongside the Star-Spangled Banner, a recording of Rucker’s legendary cover will be pumped through the stadium at full blast- all while 1,986 roosters run through the field to commemorate the year Rucker formed his band. This spectacle will then, as usual, be followed up by a voicemail of a chicken screaming at the attendees, the theme soundtrack to every Stanley Kubrick film, and a meme from 2015.
“If I only do one thing as President of this school, I want it to be this,” said Pastides, before stripping his shirts to reveal a Hootie & the Blowfish album cover collage tattooed on his back.