The University of South Carolina held a press conference Tuesday to announce one of their students had “revolutionized cooking” by successfully making boxed macaroni in his apartment.
After two hours, 47 minutes, and a small fire, sophomore Zach Klein successfully prepared a serving of boxed macaroni, completing the task at 12:04 p.m. “I still can’t believe this has happened,” an elated Klein said at the press conference. “I knew I prepared well for this by starting to let the water boil early last night, but the reality of the whole situation hasn’t dawned on me yet.”
Fresh off of his recent achievements of learning how to use a can opener and a toaster, Klein touted this as the biggest moment of his life. “I’ll admit, the toaster was a tough one. I took me a while to figure out how all the complicated buttons and switches worked, but I figured that out and I’ve figured out the macaroni today. I don’t think anything else I’ve done yet can compare to this, and I don’t know if anything ever will.”
The process took some trial and error. Klein initially tried to light his electric stove with a match, and it wasn’t until weeks into his escapade before he realized he needed to take the macaroni out of the box. After further attempts to boil a pot of milk instead of water, and use a cardboard box instead of a real cooking pot, he finally made his monumental breakthrough.
When asked about his plans for the future, Klein mentioned that he was considering taking on something even more difficult, such as chocolate chip cookies or a milkshake. This idea, however, was quickly shut down by Klein’s roommate who made an offhand comment after the press conference about not letting small children play with handguns.
At press time, an anonymous source reported seeing Klein inspecting multiple George Foreman grills in Target while holding a recipe for a mango smoothie.