Saturday, April 21, 2018

“Arms Race” Between President Trump and Kim Jong-Un Continues to Intensify

February 25, 2018 Donald Trump, exercise, North Korea

Trump tweeted on Monday, ‘LITTLE MAN Kim Jong-Un knows nothing about making gains!’

Politics Spring 2018 Edition 3 World

Opinion: Don’t Tell Anyone, But I Just Solved The Middle East

February 14, 2018February 14, 2018 middle east, politics, United States

By Rex Tillerson, US Secretary of State

Campus Politics Spring 2018 Edition 1

Student Government Shuts Down After Pastides “Shithole States” Remark

January 28, 2018January 28, 2018 Pastides, shutdown, Student Government

‘Why are we having all these students from shithole states come here?’ Pastides said, according to those in attendance at the meeting. ‘What are all these people from Ohio doing here?’

Fall 2017 Edition 7 Politics

Trump Bashes the Dead; Calls Them “Weak”

November 18, 2017January 18, 2018 Donald Trump, politics

“…All my friends are alive, I’ve never been dead, and those lousy dead individuals clearly didn’t value life enough.”

Politics Spring 2017 Edition 3

Fascist Still Finds Time For the Little Things

February 3, 2017February 4, 2017 bannon, life, trump

Bannon, emphasizing the stress often incurred by depriving human beings of basic rights, emphatically praised ‘just sitting down and having a moment to yourself.’

Politics Spring 2017 Edition 2

Vladimir Putin Narrows Search For US Supreme Court Nomination

January 27, 2017January 27, 2017 Donald Trump, russia, supreme court

The Russian president reportedly settled on ‘three or four names’ that he feels will ‘uphold Russian values.’

Fall 2016 Edition 8 Politics

Donald Trump Begins Googling Information About Presidency

November 17, 2016November 20, 2016

President-Elect Donald Trump has reportedly begun spending hours with his laptop in an attempt to familiarize himself with the role.

Fall 2016 Edition 7 Politics

Obama Signs “Stand Your Ground” Law Against Anyone Dressed as Clown

November 3, 2016November 3, 2016 clowns, guns, Obama

The law stipulates that all clowns are subject to be harmed, not just ones brandishing weapons or stalking citizens.

Fall 2016 Edition 7 Politics

Trump Revealed to be Two Middle Schoolers in Over-Sized Coat

November 3, 2016November 7, 2016 children, Donald Trump, politics

Timmy and Ricky, both age 13, claim to have gotten the idea watching Saturday morning cartoons.

Fall 2016 Edition 5 Politics

Entire Nation Loses Presidential Debate

October 20, 2016October 20, 2016 america, Debate, politics

Despite the wide range of topics discussed, the nation was unable to shake the weight of several recent scandals.

Fall 2016 Edition 3 Politics

Rush Limbaugh Too Scared To Reveal Crush On Hillary Clinton

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 election, Hillary Clinton, love

Sources revealed yesterday that conservative talk-radio icon Rush Limbaugh is still too afraid to admit he has had a crush on Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton.

Fall 2016 Edition 2 Politics

Aleppo: “What is Gary Johnson?”

September 22, 2016September 22, 2016 election, foreign affairs, politics, syria

The city admitted it had never heard of the former governor of New Mexico, showing a surprising lack of awareness about American politics.

Fall 2016 Edition 2 Politics

First Presidential Debate to be Broadcast Exclusively on Best Buy Display TV’s

September 22, 2016September 25, 2016 Debate, election, politics

Best Buy CEO Hubert Joly announced today that his company has secured the exclusive broadcasting rights to the first Presidential Debate on September 26th.

Gage Skidmore [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Politics

Trump Dips In Polls After Failing To Alienate Minority

April 4, 2016September 16, 2016 Donald Trump, election, politics

Republican frontrunner Donald Trump experienced a dip polls after going an entire hour without alienating a single minority group.

CC by 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en Original photo: Michael Vadon

Politics

Republican National Committee Announces Decommission of FL-16B “Marco Rubio” Automaton

March 18, 2016September 16, 2016 GOP, Marco Rubio, politics

On Wednesday, RNC Chairman Reince Preibus announced that the FL-16B “Marco Rubio” AIA, or Artificial Intelligence Automaton, will be deactivated from service.

CC by 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en Photo: Phil Roeder

Campus Politics

Bernie Sanders Declares $5 Fishbowls A Right, Not A Privilege

February 24, 2016September 16, 2016 alcohol, Bernie Sanders, politics

While speaking at the University of South Carolina on Tuesday, Senator Bernie Sanders announced his belief that $5 fishbowls should be treated as a fundamental right of all students.

Campus Politics

Student Government Election Important Opportunity For Candidates To Practice Campaigning, Fraud

February 19, 2016September 16, 2016 election, fraud, USC, vote

This week was election week at USC, an opportunity for candidates for President, Vice President, and Treasurer to gain real political experience in things like campaigning and fraud.

Campus Politics

Lindsey Graham Announces Bid For Student Body President

February 8, 2016September 16, 2016 Lindsey Graham, politics, USC

At a press conference last Tuesday, Senator Lindsey Graham declared his candidacy for Student Body President, stating that the university “needed the strong, guiding touch of a visionary who knows this campus like the back of his hand.”

Politics

Trump Calls For Deportation Of All Women With Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes

January 28, 2016September 16, 2016 Debate, Deportation, Donald Trump, politics

By Brett Harris
Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump announced today his latest initiative to “Make America Great Again!”: Deport all women who have blonde hair and blue eyes.