Apple Clarifies ‘Hispanic Males Have Stolen Jobs’ Press Release

February 3, 2017 apple, hispanic, jobs

Apple quickly retracted their statement.

Fall 2016 Edition 9 Sci-Tech

World Now More Likely to End in Bang Than Whimper

December 1, 2016December 1, 2016 apocalypse, science

Scientists reiterated the obscenely high chances of the Earth perishing in a fiery explosion.

Fall 2016 Edition 4 Sci-Tech

Student “Engineering Pioneer” After Speaking To Female Classmate

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 campus, class, engineering

Male peers are calling this ‘the greatest advancement an engineer has ever made.’

Fall 2016 Edition 2 Sci-Tech

Couple Actually Communicates Effectively

September 22, 2016September 28, 2016 couple, love, romance, science

A monumental breakthrough occurred this past Friday in inter-sex communication.

Sci-Tech

Students Pressure Teacher To Go To Space

March 23, 2016 science, space, teacher

After recent announcements of future one-way, manned journeys to Mars, sources say that students in Mrs. Cunningham’s 3rd grade class told her they think “it would be really great” if she went into outer space.

Sci-Tech

FBI Director Demands Wife Open Backdoor

March 3, 2016 backdoor, cybersecurity, technology

Late last night, sources report FBI director James Comey demanded his wife Patrice Comey open her “backdoor,” citing concerns for national security.

Sci-Tech

Gravitational Wave Presentation Interrupted By Local Bullies

March 2, 2016March 2, 2016 bullying, gravity, science

Tuesday’s presentation by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory on gravitational ripples was hastily interrupted by a gang of local jocks, sources say.

Sci-Tech

Scientists Make Scientific Breakthrough In Field

November 15, 2015November 16, 2015 breakthrough, experiment, science

With great excitement, a group of scientists announced a major breakthrough in their field today. “This field will never be the same,” claimed Ludwig Nussenbaum, a scientist.