Freshman Danny Perkins finally changed his clothes this past week and discovered that the little voice in his head was actually his father, Michael Perkins (55), who was found hiding in his son’s wardrobe in Patterson on Monday. The concerned father was found to have been hiding there for approximately two weeks, feeding off of Danny’s hidden snack supply and sneaking out to use the bathroom when Danny and his roommate were in class.
“I was really worried about Danny going off to college,” Mr. Perkins told the Third Spur. “I heard terrible stories on the parents Facebook group, and I wasn’t going to let my son go through that alone.”
Mr. Perkins reportedly snuck into the wardrobe on move-in day and waited, whispering words of advice to Danny whenever he seemed to be having a difficult time.
“Anytime I was having a problem with something, I just heard this little voice telling me what to do. But then I opened up my wardrobe and my dad was standing there in a pile of empty wrappers,” Danny told Third Spur.
Perkins reportedly his father giving him answers to his calculus homework, telling him to drink water in between beers, and advising him to “use protection”.
“Look, I don’t care that his dad was in there while we pre-gamed or when I had a girl over,” Danny’s roommate, Kyle McCarthy commented. “But seriously, [Danny] went two weeks without even opening that thing. I just kept wondering when he was going to change his clothes.”
Freshman have now been advised to check any and all cabinets or containers they may have in their dormitories for stray parents, as possession may result in a fine.