Hey bros and dudettes! We’re Company Inc. and we are the hottest new startup you’ve never heard of in a town you don’t want to go to! We specialize in connecting people who make a product with products that are produced by product-making people. Basically, we’re the Uber of nothing and the Facebook of everything. But enough about us and our boring careers, let’s talk about why you came to look at this posting. You need an internship! Wait, you don’t? You need an actual, legit job? Too bad. You get an internship because we’re cheap and you’re worthless. What will you be doing here at Company Inc.? Well….
YOU WON’T BE FETCHING US COFFEE!!!!
You see that? We know what you like! We know what you hate about internships and we totally won’t be doing that to you in your three months here. Instead, you’ll be doing REAL work like emailing clients and tweeting to our over 4 followers.
The ideal candidate is a fun loving, Tweet savvy, Gram expert with 2-4 years of experience in the industry despite being 21. You’ll want to talk to us if you are motivated by disrupting the norm and enjoy impromptu Nerf gun battles!!!
So, what’s the pay like you ask? Well, as much as we’d love to fund your avocado toast passion (we’re hip!!!!), we can’t offer you any money! You could get college credit but since this internship is only available to college graduates thus completely defeating the point of an internship, we can really only offer you portfolio material/resume building. Yeah your Linkedin is finna be woke af bruh (ha wow we really speak your language!).
The process for applying is super simple! You just make a 10 second Snap video and show us which filter is so #you. Should you get hired you’ll only have to work 100 hours per week, but, don’t worry, here are some of the awesome perks we offer in return:
- Free Starbucks Fridays!! #frappucino #bae
- Casual everyday! #ootd #stylin
- Bean bags instead of desks #chillax #werkit
- In-office dogs #pupper #doggo
So get to applying! We’ll contact you if- well, actually, we’ll never contact you! If you aren’t even in the first 3 people applying, you’re not worth our time. In fact, we aren’t planning to actually give this internship to anyone other than our director’s niece, stupid! And we won’t even give you the decency of an automated rejection email, you loser!