I mean, you still failed, but it could have gone a lot worse. I had you pegged for someone who’d score in the 20s, but you managed to pull a 53. Not bad for a total fucking idiot! I’d say I’m pleasantly surprised, but that’d be a bit strong of a term.
Look, I know University 101 can be a pretty tough class, so don’t beat yourself up. I mean, you managed to get 53 points out of 100. That’s slightly more than half of the available points! I want you to understand that, because you really don’t seem too bright. Although, you do get 10 points just for writing your name, so you practically scored a bit less than half of the points.
As your professor, I can’t help but feel that I failed as much as you did. I should have tried harder to reach out to you to tell you that you weren’t going to pass this class, dumbass, and that you should probably drop it before you lower my test average. It is true that it’s still mathematically possible for you to get a D+ overall, but I wouldn’t bet on it.