Hey, man, how’s it going? Nobody’s sitting here, right? You mind if I grab this chair- oh, you didn’t think I was going to sit here, did you? No, it’s just that a bunch of people are sitting at my table, and it seems like you’re just sitting all by yourself like a loser, or something? It doesn’t seem fair for you to have all of those chairs for yourself, so I’m just going to take one so that one more of my many friends can sit with me.
I’d invite you to come join us, but come on, we all know that’d be really weird, so I’m not going to do that. Besides, you seem like you’re a pretty boring person, otherwise you’d probably have someone that was willing to eat with you. I mean, there are 7 billion people in this world, and not a single one could find time to sit down and have a meal with you.
I’m not trying to make fun of you or anything, though. When I realized how many people were all going to try to squeeze on to this table, I had a mini panic attack. But imagine my relief when I looked around and saw you at a single table away with plenty of empty chairs ripe for the picking. I could tell by the fact that you were 75% of the way through your meal that no one was joining you. I only asked in the first place to feign politeness. I was always going to take the chair.
So, yeah, thanks for the chair, bud.