In his first week preparing for his assumption of the Executive Office, President-Elect Donald Trump has reportedly begun searching online for any facts about the American Presidency, spending hours with his laptop in an attempt to familiarize himself with the role. Trump will, according to sources associated with the campaign, rise at five-thirty in the morning — a time he formerly reserved for browsing Twitter — and immediately research all materials related to the Office, taking anything from the appellate court nomination process to the organization of the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. Dr. Ben Carson, adviser and prospective Secretary of Education, remarked that the President-Elect will “literally read anything” about the presidency, and sessions are often punctuated by loud shouts of “What?” and “Oh, fuck.”
“There was an hour where he thought he knew something before he had to look it up,” daughter Ivanka added, “but it turns out he was remembering an episode of The West Wing he watched to prepare for the second debate.”
Despite Trump’s initial morning enthusiasm, the sessions will, according to confidant Newt Gingrich, quickly fall off track, as President-Elect Trump will meander to different websites including the Trump-related subreddit /r/the_donald , the “Trump” section of Breitbart.com, and his own defunct campaign website. Any information he does find, Gingrich added, is usually forgotten by the next morning if an aide fails to write them down or prompt President-Elect Trump to repeat the information aloud. A proposal by Trump staffers to set whitehouse.gov, the official website of the Executive Branch, as Trump’s home page was eventually shot down by adviser Rudy Giuliani as “kowtowing to liberal protesters.”
At press time, the President-Elect had frantically called his ten year old son Barron to ask why the router was doing that thing.