Shocking news was released earlier as it has been discovered that Republican candidate Donald Trump is actually two middle school boys in an over-sized coat.
Timmy and Ricky, both age 13, claim to have gotten the idea after watching Saturday morning cartoons which featured a group of kids in a trench coat. “We just thought it would be fun,” said young Timmy with a mouthful of PB&J. “We never knew so many people would like what we said!”
Ricky was later questioned about some of the political stances they had come up with for Trump. “Some of us thought about building a wall to keep the dumb 6th graders off of our 4-square court.” said Ricky, “Plus, that bad hombre Miguel keeps stealing my Capri Sun.”
Experts were tipped off when after a debate, an arm was seen reaching out of Trump’s midriff to grab a cookie set out on a table. Then, people really started to notice Trump’s small vocabulary and even smaller hands. Said scientist Eugene Heinrich, “When you looked at his hands for long enough, you just thought, ‘there is no way hands like that could belong to anyone over the age of 15.’ Plus most of his ideas for change seemed like things 7th graders would joke about at recess.”
The Republican Party has released a statement saying that even though the two boys aren’t legally old enough to run for president, they won’t withdraw Trump from the running. “Whatever the boys are doing, they are clearly doing it right” said Mitch McConnell, head of the Republican Party, “If the country wants to elect two middle school boys as president, I say let them.”
The boys were last seen preparing for a speech in Iowa by making fart noises with their armpits and laughing at each other.