Late Saturday night, Frank Martin, USC Men’s Basketball Head Coach, was spotted dumping the body of basketball referee John Smith, 42, into Lake Murray. Local witnesses say Martin first attempted to bury Smith with a shovel procured from the trunk of his car, but later simply tied a cinderblock to the legs of the body and hauled it into the water.
In a press conference after the basketball team’s game Saturday afternoon at Tennessee, Martin had described his dismay at the quality of Smith’s officiating.
“The ref was a real wiseguy out there today,” said Martin. “I don’t know how he missed the travel call there at the end. And don’t even get me started about that offensive foul. Forget about it!”
Martin later told a reporter in the locker room that “it’d be a real shame if something were to happen to [Smith].”
After the news of the body-dumping in Lake Murray broke, Martin released the following written statement:
Badda bing badda boom, you gotta do what you gotta do. Mr. Smith is swimming with the fishies now.
When asked how he planned to handle the offciating in the team’s upcoming game against Mississippi State, Martin was vague, simply stating, “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.”