It has been several weeks since the conclusion of the immortal Masters Golf Tournament, and sources claim that 2017 champion Sergio Garcia has yet to take off the ceremonial green jacket awarded to the victor of the tournament. Bestowed upon Garcia by previous year’s champion Danny Willett, the Masters green jacket, which winners are allowed to keep at home for a year before returning to Augusta permanently, has been a long standing measure of a golfer’s skill and ability to play under pressure, which is exactly why Garcia says he doesn’t plan on taking it off for a while.
“I won this shit, ME,” Garcia said defiantly before slamming five consecutive shots of tequila and firing a gun into a nearby wall. “I only get to keep this shit for a year, so I’m gonna get some serious mileage out of this fuckin’ jacket.”
Garcia was almost unable to wear the jacket at all after falling behind by several strokes on the back nine. However, he stormed back to force a sudden-death playoff with Justin Rose. Once given the green jacket, Garcia has been seen wearing the jacket in restaurants, church and even the gym. His fiancé has become concerned with Garcia’s growing obsession with the jacket, claiming “he doesn’t even look at me anymore- he just wants to talk to the jacket. He wears it in the shower.”
“It alters your state of mind” three-time winner Phil Mickelson remarked. “I don’t know what it is about the jacket, but once I put it on, I wanted to recklessly gamble and make illegal gains in the stock market.” Several other golfers have also expressed their concern for Sergio’s increasing fixation on the jacket. “I know what he’s going through,” two-time champion Bubba Watson remarked. “That jacket makes you feel like you’re invincible- like an all-powerful sky-god who shoots lightning from your fingers.”
Rumors of golfers having trouble with the coveted jacket have been around since the inaugural tournament. Nick Faldo claims that he’s missed hundreds of flights because of his refusal to remove the jackets. Tiger Woods said wearing his fourth green jacket too long drove him to be unfaithful to his wife. Whatever the case may be for Sergio, the entire golf world is hoping he comes around.
At press time, Garcia was seen lightly caressing the green jacket with the back of his hand while whispering into the lapels.