That really bad thing that’s been in the news recently? You know the one I’m talking about. You might want to set whatever you’re holding down before I tell you this, but I can now report that a single rational person has agreed that it is, with definitive fact, a really bad thing.
I know, you’re completely shocked. I was too when I first got word of this. It completely devastated all the thoughts swirling around in my brain. But it’s true, that really bad thing is in fact a really bad thing.
It’s less a specific part of the really bad thing that makes it really bad, and more the fact that the entirety of the really bad thing is really bad. The people that came up with the idea aren’t exactly really good either. Either way, I’m just here to report on the really bad thing and move on.
It was difficult to track down a rational person to confirm that the really bad thing is really bad, with all the irrational people shouting at each other so much. But we found one, sitting alone in the corner of the room, crying and contemplating their existence, waiting for someone to rescue them. We promptly had them confirm that the really bad thing is really quite bad, and then shoved them back in the room with the irrational people.
I’m not sure where we go from here, as far as stopping the really bad thing from becoming an even worse thing. Like I said, my job is just to report on the really bad things, so I’ll leave that up to you now that I’ve informed you that the really bad thing is, without question, a really bad thing.