Moments ago, local parents David and Rita Felton began a game of monopoly with their sons, Matthew and Joshua, blissfully unaware that in a matter of hours, their family’s relationship will be irreversibly damaged by the popular Parker Brothers game. Prior to the start, David confided to his wife that he hopes the game night will bring the family closer together, oblivious that he will soon refer to her as “Hitler’s lowest whore” after landing on her Pennsylvania Avenue hotel.
Matthew, 9, is reportedly excited for his first game of monopoly, completely unsuspecting that in just a short amount of time his mother will call him “a ginger freckled cunt” for maintaining all the railroads, both utilities, and six properties with hotels.
The family, innocently presuming they will go out for ice cream after a peaceful conclusion to the game, will in 2 hours’ time storm out of the dining room as David flips the board after landing on “Go To Jail” space for the fourth time in the game.
“Fuck this!” David will reportedly exclaim before driving to the nearest strip club.
Light teasing had already begun between brothers Matthew and Joshua after the latter’s first rent payment on Tennessee Avenue. According to reports, the two will soon begin mercilessly fighting until their mother pulls them apart.
“I should’ve aborted both of you when I had the chance,” Rita of the future will say.
At press time, the family expressed how much fun they were having.
“I sure can’t wait for RISK next Friday,” said Joshua as he rolled doubles for the second time in a row.