Local man and dutiful boyfriend Aaron Halstead reportedly broke out into a cold sweat after receiving a text message from his girlfriend saying only “we gotta talk.” Halstead immediately began to panic, asking his roommates what they thought the of the message. “I didn’t do anything,” Halstead feverishly claimed. “Well, at least I think I didn’t.”
According to eyewitnesses, Halstead has yet to send back a response to the initial text, and was seen spending several minutes intricately crafting a message in Microsoft word to send back. “I can’t sound too worried, because then she might not be willing to speak openly,” Halstead conceded. “But,” he continued, “if I seem like I don’t care, she’ll get angrier, and then we’ll have more to talk about.”
Halstead’s roommates weighed in on the situation, with one saying, “[‘we gotta talk’] could literally mean anything. It could mean that you’re about to get dumped, or she just wants to ask your opinion on nail polish or hair clips or some girly bullshit.”
There has also been an outreach to outside experts, as Halstead contacted a local speech pathologist, Franklin Runet, and asked for his opinion on the message. Runet replied saying, “the ‘we’ and ‘gotta’ suggests a collaborative conversation, rather than the alternative phrase, ‘I need to talk to you’ where she would assert herself in the conversation.”
When asked if Runet had any personal experience with such phrases, he explained, “every time my wife says ‘we need to talk,’ a little part of me dies.”
After thorough deliberation, Halstead elected to send the following message back to his girlfriend: “Okay, what’s up?” At press time, Halstead was nervously staring at three little bubbles on his iPhone screen.