We’ve all been in this situation before. A quick trip to Target for a couple of things and an hour later you’re out $150 and can barely fit everything in your trunk. Fear no more! Using this detailed account of my most recent trip to Target, you’ll learn how to stop spending any more than what you intended.
1:21 – I came into the store needing three things: Advil, a notebook, and some bottled water. The fact that these things are all in different parts of the store will make things difficult, but I’ll try to stay focused on the task at hand. The Advil will be closest to the entrance so I’ll head there first. It should be right beyond the aisle with all the vitamins and –
1:21:12 – Something on my right just caught my eye. The latest Star Wars movie is out on DVD? I haven’t seen this movie since it was in theaters! Never mind the movie was kind of mediocre, I need to watch it again. I’ll at least put the DVD in my basket and decide later if I’ll buy it.
1:24 – Okay, I’ve refocused and secured the Advil. On to the notebook. It should be just past the stationary, somewhere beyond the section with all the birthday cards.
1:26 – Wait a minute. I’ve been friends with Lucy for about 6 months now. Do they have cards for that? Are friendiversaries an internationally recognized holiday or is that something someone just made up a few years ago? A quick look can’t hurt. It doesn’t look like they have a card for that, so I’ll just get the supplies to make one.
1:38 – I’ve made it to the craft supplies aisle. I’ve picked out a notebook. I’ve also picked out a poster board, a rainbow assortment of markers, stickers, and an amount of glitter that no person should legally be allowed to buy. Go big or go home, right?
1:39 – Now comes the hardest part. The bottled water is on the exact opposite side of the store. I’ll have to walk through clothing, electronics, and that aisle that has all the cool cookie molds and cheese graters. I can make it through this.
1:41 – Update: there was an obstacle I was not expecting – the pet aisle. The picture on the end of the aisle is a man walking a cocker spaniel, and my friend Jenny has a cocker spaniel. I just went to the vet with Jenny and her dog last week! Wouldn’t it be great if I surprised her with a new collar? It’s worth a look. The small collars are for dogs up to 25 pounds, but the medium size starts at 30 pounds. Jenny’s dog weighs 27 pounds. Guess I’ll get one of each.
2:09 – After a quick trip back to the front to swap my basket for a full-size cart, I stopped in the clothing section for only a few minutes. Don’t worry, I only got a bracelet and a skirt and a set of earrings and a pair of purple socks. So like, not that much stuff! Now I’m walking around the back side of the store to get to the aisle with the bottled water. See what I did there? Walking the other way around means I avoid the electronic and cookie mold aisles completely. That’s a little insider tip for you – instead of walking around the outer edge of the store, walk directly to what you need! Should be right in the next-
2:09:42 – I just passed the aisle with the Oreos, and that reminded me of something. My roommate Jess and I got in an argument the other day about whether or not Double Stuff Oreos actually had more filling. I don’t actually think they do. There’s only one scientific way to find out.
2:17 – Alright, I’ve got everything I came here for, give or take a few items, so the total shouldn’t be that bad. The Advil was like $18 anyway, so this is all going to cost some money.
2:19 – What do you mean my total is $173.62? I only got like one extra- Well, fuck. It happened again.