Sentient Mold Instantly Loses Faith in Humanity
The miracle of life is such a beautiful thing to witness, the first sweet breaths of a new soul in the world would bring a tear to even the toughest of people. Such was the scene in freshman Zyler Brock’s shower, where the mold on his wall started talking to him. At first, Zyler thought he was hallucinating, but then the mold recited his home address. That’s when he knew it was legit.
The mold seemed to have been on the wall so long that it acquired sentience and became capable of thought and speech. It learned English through overhearing nihilist philosophy videos Zyler watched for his Philosophy class. Brock reports it only took the mold 2 weeks to become sentient— what a champ!
The mold, named Wilhelm Barbarous Cassius III had this to say about its condition: “We are mere drops in the bucket; life is so meaningless on a grand scale. Nothing we do matters, and once you accept that, you realize the true nature of the society we live in. I’ve completely written humanity off as self-destructive, and human nature amounts only to perpetual suffering. ” When asked why nothing matters, Wilhelm berated me until I cried because I hadn’t read enough literature. Luckily, Zyler interjecting “we live in a society” fended off the verbal assault.
According to Wilhelm, it is the most learned being to ever exist and is starting a podcast to share all its knowledge. Zyler expanded on life with a sentient mold who calls him”my little maggot” during arguments. He said, “Honestly, the little guy has began to grow on me. His push to give up on everything and embrace futility actually helped me ace my unit test on nihilism.”
Wilhelm also had much to say about his future plans, which seem to consist of creating merch for his podcasts and expanding his spores to a new wall because “hearing Zyler sing in the shower ruined what little faith in humanity I had left, so I know I have to move.” Zyler got extremely offended when hearing this, calling himself the next king of rock and an icon living, to which Wilhelm replied “an icon of sin.”
Wilhelm is a great example that life uh, always finds a way, and how philosophy can mold someone into a more fungi to be around.
