Students Willing to Endure Nuclear Fallout for Improved Parking

Students Willing to Endure Nuclear Fallout for Improved Parking

October 6, 2022 fallout, hell, nukes, parking, urban planning

What would you do to avoid that parking ticket?

Campus Fall 2022 Edition 3 Sci-Tech Sports

Off-Campus Housing Offers Safety Solutions!

October 6, 2022 guns, nothing could be done, self-defense, very safe

When it comes to keeping residents safe, off campus complexes are pulling out all the stops.

Campus Developing Stories Fact Fall 2022 Edition 2 Sci-Tech

Campus Internet Eduroam Powered by Hamster Wheel

September 27, 2022September 27, 2022 eduroam, hamster, internet, wheel

Ever wondered why the internet on campus is so bad?

Fact Fall 2022 Edition 1 Sci-Tech

Third Spur Exclusive Tours: An insider’s tour of UofSC’s new state-of-the-art Cocky cloning vat facility

September 13, 2022 clones, cocky, secret

You’re telling me you haven’t wondered where Cocky came from?

Sci-Tech Spring 2022 Edition 3 The NFT Edition

Nreally Fcool Thirdspurtokens: Get ‘Em While They’re Hot

March 22, 2022 fungible, Money, nft, not a scam

Check out this other thing which is different and definitely not what everyone else is doing, too!

Payday Loans Sci-Tech Spring 2022 Edition 3 The NFT Edition

You Asked, We Delivered…

March 22, 2022 blockchain, crypto, nft, tony

You won’t believe the sacrifices we’ve made so that YOU can enjoy our newest project…

Fact Politics Sci-Tech Spring 2022 Edition 3 The NFT Edition World

Breaking News: US and EU Have Decided to Present Putin with Ukraine NFT to Thwart Potential World War

March 22, 2022 biden, nft, putin, russia, ukraine

Take a look at how the world cleverly outsmarted everyone’s least favorite person.

Fall 2021 Edition 3 Sci-Tech

Hackers Uncover “Campus Defense” Fee

October 4, 2021October 5, 2021 campus defender, cockscalibur, mech suit

50% went towards forging “Cockscalibur”, a legendary blade wielded by president Pastides, who spends his evenings fighting off hordes of demons in a suit of power armor designed by none other than the undergraduates at Swearingen.

Developing Stories Entertainment Fall 2021 Edition 2 Sci-Tech

Damn It: The Rats Powering the Third Spur Servers Escaped

September 28, 2021September 28, 2021 malfunction, mousehunt, whoopsies

Staff members were informed of the breakout by a small group of loyalist rats.

Sci-Tech Spring 2021 Edition 1 World

Some Vaccinations in Drive-Through Centers Canceled from Increased Demand, Syringe Fights

March 23, 2021March 23, 2021 syringe, vaccine

Nationwide vaccine production would be much lower than the demand projected from increased vaccine syringe usage from fights.

Sci-Tech Spring 2020 Edition 1

Top Five Elements That Make Me Crazy

February 13, 2020February 13, 2020 elements

Do you ever just look at the periodic table and realize that you’re completely frothing at the mouth?

Sci-Tech Spring 2018 Edition 7

Facebook Unveils Mandatory Security Questions to Ensure User Data Sold to Advertisers Accurate

April 16, 2018 advertisements, cybersecurity, Facebook, privacy

“Facebook cares deeply about your privacy,” a spokesperson said. “It’s our top priority. Right after turning a profit.”

Sci-Tech Spring 2018 Edition 4 World

Bitcoins, Blockchains, Cryptocurrency, Click Our Article!

February 25, 2018February 25, 2018 bitcoin, cryptocurrency

We have all the buzzwords right there in our title. What else do we need to do to get you to click on that link?!

Sci-Tech Spring 2018 Edition 4 World

Jeff Bezos and the Corpse of John D. Rockefeller: A Comparison

February 25, 2018 amazon, corpse

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos goes head to head with business legend John Rockefeller.

Sci-Tech Spring 2018 Edition 1

Study: People Who Talk Loudly are More Likely to be Assholes

January 28, 2018January 28, 2018 science, study

A 6-month study has unveiled a correlation between people who are ‘loud-talkers’ and those described as ‘assholes.’

Fall 2017 Edition 6 Sci-Tech

Chem 111 Student Finishing Lab in 20 Minutes Nominated for Nobel Prize

October 22, 2017October 26, 2017 campus, chemistry, nobel prize, science

Christopher Halton is an exercise science major, currently unsure about his plans for after his undergraduate studies.

Sci-Tech Spring 2017 Edition 3

Apple Clarifies ‘Hispanic Males Have Stolen Jobs’ Press Release

February 3, 2017 apple, hispanic, jobs

Apple quickly retracted their statement.

Fall 2016 Edition 9 Sci-Tech

World Now More Likely to End in Bang Than Whimper

December 1, 2016December 1, 2016 apocalypse, science

Scientists reiterated the obscenely high chances of the Earth perishing in a fiery explosion.

Fall 2016 Edition 4 Sci-Tech

Student “Engineering Pioneer” After Speaking To Female Classmate

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 campus, class, engineering

Male peers are calling this ‘the greatest advancement an engineer has ever made.’

Fall 2016 Edition 2 Sci-Tech

Couple Actually Communicates Effectively

September 22, 2016September 28, 2016 couple, love, romance, science

A monumental breakthrough occurred this past Friday in inter-sex communication.

Sci-Tech

Students Pressure Teacher To Go To Space

March 23, 2016 science, space, teacher

After recent announcements of future one-way, manned journeys to Mars, sources say that students in Mrs. Cunningham’s 3rd grade class told her they think “it would be really great” if she went into outer space.

Sci-Tech

FBI Director Demands Wife Open Backdoor

March 3, 2016 backdoor, cybersecurity, technology

Late last night, sources report FBI director James Comey demanded his wife Patrice Comey open her “backdoor,” citing concerns for national security.

Sci-Tech

Gravitational Wave Presentation Interrupted By Local Bullies

March 2, 2016March 2, 2016 bullying, gravity, science

Tuesday’s presentation by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory on gravitational ripples was hastily interrupted by a gang of local jocks, sources say.

Sci-Tech

Scientists Make Scientific Breakthrough In Field

November 15, 2015November 16, 2015 breakthrough, experiment, science

With great excitement, a group of scientists announced a major breakthrough in their field today. “This field will never be the same,” claimed Ludwig Nussenbaum, a scientist.