5 Fool-Proof Ways to Fight off the Shadowy Figures Lurking in the Corner of Your Eyes

Let’s face it—everyone’s dealt with them at some point. Sometimes it’s like they’re always there, lingering at the intersection between the back of your subconscious and the corners of your eyes. I’m, of course, talking about the shadow creatures. Different people have different names for them: Shadow Beasts, Mind Invaders, Screeching Figments, Geralds, Unseen Demons. Here are some of the Third Spur writers’ favorite ways to keep the corners of their eyes free from any unwanted visitors.

1. Have some calming tea in the morning! It’s a great way to soothe the nerves and ward off any dark entities.
2. Do some meditation! There’s nothing like clearing your mind to give your enemy no place to hide!
3. Breathing exercises are great when other options inevitably prove ineffective to the omnipresent unreality constantly attacking our thoughts. This method is the Third Spur’s Chief Occult Editor’s favorite way to stave off the Screechers when there’s just no other way to keep them out of your memories!
4. Get some sleep! For the love of God, there’s no such thing as the shadowy demons fighting for your unconscious mind. You aren’t seeing monstrous creatures crawling into your thoughts through your eyes; you’re just having mild hallucinations from staying up three days in a row playing the Sims! Come on. You should know better than this.
5. Fight Back. You see, they can get anywhere, even on this very website. You know what you have to do. And whatever you do, you can’t dream. They’ll be waiting there.

As you can see, you’re being delusional. Seeing things out of the corner of your eye isn’t normal, and the best you can do is pretend you don’t see them while they complete whatever tasks they might need to. We here at the Third Spur guarantee you won’t need to worry about them for much longer.