Close-Hipp Showdown: Are You More Close or Hipp?
An in-depth look at the nuances of USC’s biggest conflicts in recent history.
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Campus
The Third Spur Investigates: A Sorority Conspiracy (Misinformation?)
What do they really want?
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Former President Bob Caslen Cited as Prophet after USC Name Change
It’s time for people to admit they were wrong.
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Twisted Taco Twists the Truth
Learn the disgusting truth behind your favorite totally real tacos.
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Caslen Sightings Reported Up 1000%
He’s back.
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Students Willing to Endure Nuclear Fallout for Improved Parking
What would you do to avoid that parking ticket?
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ROTC Sends Students to Study Abroad in Ukraine
Take a look at UofSC’s latest study abroad program.
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Authorities Find Local Fraternities Spiked T-Coop Fountain
They swear it wasn’t them.
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Off-Campus Housing Offers Safety Solutions!
When it comes to keeping residents safe, off campus complexes are pulling out all the stops.
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Opinion: It’s Time to Finally Make Big Thursday a National Holiday
It’s high time we gave everyone’s favorite holiday the recognition it deserves.
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Shane Beamer Hates Title IX, Fans of Women Outraged
You’ll never guess what a prominent member of the UofSC community has done now…
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Heartbreaking: Freshman Fails First Midterm After Nobody Posts Study Guide Answers in GroupMe
One Good Samaritan can make all the difference…
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Opeenion: Where You Should Pee on Campus (Vibes Based) (Scientific)
Where you should (and shouldn’t) hold it.
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LeConte college reopens as University of South Carolina’s first 90’s school girl themed nightclub
The one place you’ve always wished you could party.
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Campus Internet Eduroam Powered by Hamster Wheel
Ever wondered why the internet on campus is so bad?
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Garnet&Fratted: UofSC’s New Attempt to Make Everyone Feel Included
Now you have no excuse to not go to the frat lots.
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Professor Disappointed to Find No One Does Readings
When was the last time YOU did the readings?
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Students Declare Intro To Film Class “Too Demanding”
Because sometimes sitting there and doing nothing is just too much…
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Opinion: You Can Borrow My ID, Bro
Dude, nothing’s gonna happen
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Fraternity Exposed as Group of Serial Killers
UofSC fraternity Delta Iota Epsilon had their houses raided by UofSCPDThursday after an anonymous tip led police to suspect the fraternity of being a group of serial killers.
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Professor Ratio’d By Student, Dies
Shocking developments are coming to light after a student allegedly ratio’d his professor.
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Please Pay Attention to Me
Oh, you think your classes are hard?
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Bear Grylls Bares All!
There’s a rumbling. There’s a grumbling. Do you hear it? It’s the sound of adventure.
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Something Exciting is Happening On Campus
Everyone can stop saying nothing happens on campus now because soon something very exciting is going to be happening on campus.
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UofSC Presents Org Fair Bounty Hunters
Without a single care, freshmen commit to more interest meetings than they will ever be able to make good on, leaving many student organizations up in the air.
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The Great Lettuce Engorging
Was it a sacrifice to a gracious green god? Or a feast in honor of a holy hero? Nay, it was the annual meeting of the lettuce lords, the Lettuce Club.
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Tempting Fate: Cramming Student Sure That Quick Nap at 12:30 Won’t Hurt Grade
The hopeless student reportedly needs a B+ grade or higher to pass the exam and thereby his Business Calculus course.
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Can Cocky Secure Presidential Pardon This Thanksgiving?
For the first time since his introduction in 1971, Cocky finds himself on the Aramark chopping block.
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An Update from Gamecock Entertainment
Gamecock Entertainment recently announced via a cryptic Instagram post that they would have a new, recurring student outreach event.
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Sentient Mold Instantly Loses Faith in Humanity
According to the mold, it is the most learned being to ever exist and is starting a podcast to share all its knowledge.
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UofSC to Adopt New “Just Get Over it Already” Mental Health Initiative
This strategy is exemplified by the initiative’s slogan: “Bring back the stigma.”
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Third Spur Wormhole Special: Report from Hellworld
We’re firing up the ol’ wormhole generator and giving you an exclusive news article from the apocalyptic hell world that exists in parallel to our own, reported directly from The Fourth Thorn.
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Report: Third Spur’s Mascot Running For President of UofSC
Loyal readers know that Spurby has been the Third Spur’s mascot since his 2019 laboratory synthesis deep beneath the Williams-Brice building.
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Study-o Apartments: Airbnb’ing Study Room Horror Stories
Study rooms, which reach up to 3 times the size of a normal dorm, are being pushed as studio apartments available for rent on Airbnb.
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Professor Shows Up to Class To Find Every Student Skipped
Showing up to class without checking your email is one of the most embarrassing and annoying things that will happen on a near-weekly basis in college.
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Muschamp Returns as Chess Club Coach
Muschamp assured reporters, “Yeah, I was always too intellectual for football anyway.”
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Cup Shortages Lead to Cup Checks
“We have simply been left no choice.”
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Honeycomb Voted “Restaurant on Campus”
Honeycomb is known for serving food that is edible and providing an atmosphere that is created via lighting and music. Wonderful!
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These Hands Were Made for Holding, Not Hazing
A tender look at fraternity rush’s new anti-hazing measures.
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Dear Lord, the Oil-Hungry Murder Cult Returns to Campus
Hide your friends! Hide your family! Hide the cat you’ve raising behind your RM’s back! They’re back.
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Parents to Remain On-Campus Indefinitely
Time to ‘Famigate’.
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‘Carolina Combat’ Trading Card Game is Newest Campus Craze
The popularity of the game has forced the conversion of several campus P.E. centers into Carolina Combat gyms.
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“Portal to Hell” discovered in Humanities Building
The temperature issues are clearly the result of a newly opened “gateway to an infernal realm resembling Hell.”
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Thank Heavens! Strom Thurmond Lines Cure COVID
“Some of my colleagues and I gathered around a few brewskis, a doobie, and a Grateful Dead 45, and we figured out how to solve the COVID crisis.”
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UofSC to Ban Students
“With the Delta Variant running rampant, it’s in our best interests to bring all studies to an immediate halt.”
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Opinion: Group COVID Testing Mandated Just In Time For “Cuffing Season”
Spitting has never been so sexy.
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IB Major Leaves Concrete Jungle for Real One
John Maynard chose to hit the brakes on the fast-paced world of Intro to Economics and find meaning in the undeveloped areas of campus.
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UofSC Distributes Free Beer for St. Patrick’s Day
“We spent a whole semester sending out these mental health survey thingies, and all students agreed: they just need a drink.”
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Russell Employees Given Pass to Strike a Student of Their Choice
“The next time some stupid kid shows up at 6:45 am to watch me open up just so he can be first to order, the only breakfast he’ll be getting is a knuckle sandwich.”
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Opinion: Going To Class During A Pandemic, Climate Apocalypse, and Era Of Police Violence Has Made Me A Better Student
Having to balance worrying about so many different issues all at once has taught me time management in ways I never knew before.
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Opinion: I Ordered a Package I May Never Live to See
I knew this trek would not prove easy.
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Opinion: I Thought We’d Be Gone By Now
How could I have known the semester would last past August?
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Opinion: Can You Hear Me?
Staring into the black circle at the top of your laptop’s screen, you offer to your instructor this sacred question.
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How UofSC Flattened the Curve
“Our recent drop in active COVID cases is thanks to one of our newest policies affecting the campus dining hall.”
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Opinion: I Need to Ask You Out to Lunch
My laptop closed and my sunglasses came off the moment I saw you. You had my undivided attention.
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Successful, Tenured Professor Reignites Longstanding Feud With Basic Classroom Technology
Dr. Schlächten, a recipient of the Bôcher Memorial Prize, was unable to successfully plug in his laptop or turn on the projector.
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Missed Connection – Student4Student
After hearing how we both blanked on question 8, I feel… seen.
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Honors College to Hire Bullies
I’ve seen some of them actually openly talk about liking anime. It’s sick.
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Greene Street Brawl Erupts Between UofSC’s Frightening Amount of A Cappella Groups
Bystander footage shows an argument starting between rival members of the Cocktales and Cockapella over who had the better cock pun.
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Undeclared Student Announces Commitment to Psychology Major
Wyatt was the number 12 overall prospect of the undeclared class of 2022.
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In Eco-Friendly Move, UofSC Will No Longer Provide Free Bamboo Toothbrushes
Guess how they make bamboo toothbrushes? They have to cut down bamboo trees!
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Three Hundred Things The University Will Use The Greek Village Parking Fee For (And One Thing It Won’t)
For students who are still super confused about what the Greek Village Student Fee is going towards, we made it simple.
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The Voices Behind the Close-Hipp Construction Team
For many USC students who take classes in Close-Hipp, the construction team is a constant in their daily lives. It’s
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Letter to the Editor: Apologize for Discriminating Against the Illiterate
First of all, how dare you?
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Pastides’ Successor has “Big Shoes to Fill”
Personable. Hardworking. Size 15. These are some of the traits students are looking for in our next USC President. There
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Long Lines Result In State Of Emergency At Russell House Chick-Fil-A
“When I finally saw the cow coming around with pizza, I knew I could pull through.”
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USC to Switch to New Online Education System Whiteboard
For several years, students at USC have been accustomed to logging onto the online educational platform known as Blackboard. However,
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USC Geography Professor Developing New Capitals of the World Minor
Dr. Anaya Robinson fondly looks back on the first world capital city she learned as a child. Today, she is
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Four Students Obliterated and Consumed After Viewing Pastides’ True Form
“They must have witnessed his emergence from his shell of a human body.”
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Gamecocks Claim Ellis True Winner of Election, Declare Rankin’s Win Fraudulent
On Wednesday night, after days of unrelenting and scandal-stricken campaigning on Greene Street and social media alike, the 2019-2020 student
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Five Ways to Save Money as a College Student
Being a college student is hard enough as is, with difficult classes, busy schedules, the job hunt, all while you’re
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Pastides And My Ex: A Comparison
You won’t believe who wins this one!
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Campus Totalitarians Call for Stricter Student Government
As the election approaches and the student government slowly crumbles at the hands of the Daily Gamecock, self-proclaimed Supreme Leader
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Opinion: You Don’t Really Need To Go To Class Today
There won’t be parking available anyway.
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T-Coop fountain turned into world’s largest Brita
“Just get down on all fours and lap at that puppy like a dehydrated lion.”
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Sharon! Is that a Garnet Colored Skirt I See?
You’re going off the rails, Sharon!
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6 Things You Could Use as a Shirt for Football Games
Who would have thought the bandana idea would take off?
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ACC To Become Division II Conference
“We decided it was time to take action.”
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Letter to My Professors: If I’m Late, I’m Late
I’ll get there when I get there, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.
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USC Student Diagnosed with Hypothermia Due to ‘Arctic Conditions’
“People just don’t realize how bad the winters in South Carolina are.”
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USC Launches Sticker Success Center To Help Students With Difficult Redbubble Choices
“A simple ‘Saturdays are for the cocks’ sticker can go a long way.”
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BREAKING: USC President Pastides Revealed to be Cocky’s Father
A paternity test has confirmed their relationship.
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Chick-fil-A Changes Name to ‘Southern Kitchen’
“Nope, this is Southern Kitchen. If you are looking for Chick-Fil-A, I would go upstairs.”
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Startup Spotlight: Local, Young Entrepreneur Sells A Vision
“I’m going to be a multimillionaire at the end of this year.”
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Help Wanted: Parent Chaperones for Non-Alcoholic Five Points Club
Apply here if you are a parent who wants to help keep your children safe in Five Points!
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Missing Father Found After Getting Lost During Family Weekend
“He just doesn’t have any situational awareness or sense of direction.”
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Getting Your Money’s Worth: 11,482 Reasons USC is Worth Every Dollar
I promise to account for every dollar of tuition.
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An Investigation: The School’s Steam Secret
On the surface, USC is particularly picturesque year round, but beneath it lies a haunting mystery. Smoke billowing from below
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Students Fall Victim to Pastides’ Shin Kicks
“If I go down, so do you!”
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Gamecock Fans “Can’t Wait” to be Destroyed by Alabama Next Year
It’s so nice to have a false sense of hope early in the season, only to have my dreams crushed in the first five minutes of the game. It’s the Gamecock way.
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5 Pictures of Patricia Moore-Pastides That Will Have You Saying “Yas Kween!”
You wish you could SLAY like Patricia Moore-Pastides.
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Fellas: Is Yelling About Cocks Gay?
I mean, I don’t think yelling abut cocks makes you gay.
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Depression Rates Plummet After Stigma Free USC Week
The mental health awareness event proved to be a big success.
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These are the Best Places to Study on Campus
All other lists pale in comparison to this one.
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Top Five Safest Fraternity Initiations
If you want a safe transition into Greek life, make sure to consider these fraternities!
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WUSC a Place for Local DJs to Showcase Musical Taste, Crippling Lack of Communication Skills
The only station where you can hear Punk Rock gems played back-to-back with orchestral masterpieces, followed by a solid minute of dead air.
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Live Blog: Professor Uses Racial Slur Mid-Lecture
“It’s amazing those ‘Japs’ could make even make such great cars, and with such small hands!”
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Visiting Father Calls Family from Car to Report Difficult Time Parking
‘Where is that Bull Street Garage you were talking about, Mar?’ Henderson asked his daughter.
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Opinion: It’s Time to Start Taking this Semester Seriously
From now on, I’m going to start going to class a little.
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