Local Grandpa Old Enough To Be Racist Towards Irish
A report released earlier today confirmed that local grandpa Garth Appleton is old enough to still be racist towards those of Irish descent. The revelation comes in the wake of this year’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations.
“I can’t believe we’re throwing parties in the streets for those good-for-nothing micks,” said Appleton in a surprisingly hateful rant against the now-widely celebrated holiday.
“They steal our jobs, they bring gangs into our city. And they’re Catholic for God’s sake! God knows where this country is headed,” continued the man, who was apparently alive when Prohibition was still in effect. When asked if he planned on attending any St. Patrick’s Day related events, Appleton insisted he “wouldn’t touch those alcoholic paddies with a ten-foot pole.”
Keith Appleton, Garth’s grandson told reporters “I knew Gramps was bigoted, but I didn’t think he was ‘hates the wrong kind of white’ bigoted.”
Sources close to the situation have not yet confirmed Appleton’s opinions on the German, Polish, or Greek, but was quoted have said “don’t even get me started about Cinco de Mayo.”
