Students Pressure Teacher To Go To Space

After recent announcements of future one-way, manned journeys to Mars, sources say that students in Mrs. Cunningham’s 3rd grade class told her they think “it would be really great” if she went into outer space. “You really owe it to yourself,” Jeffrey Obleman told the 72-year-old widow known for her grouchiness. “You owe it to us.”

Despite no teachers having gone to space since the Challenger disaster, Cunningham’s students are adamant that she be one of the brave few to venture into the unknown after the more than 30-year gap.

“Think about how inspired we’ll be,” said 9-year-old Tammy Gervais to her teacher, “when you launch yourself into the deep, endless void of space. I’ll definitely become an astronomer or whatever.”

“I can’t think of a better candidate than her,” third grader Jimmy Nelson told The Third Spur from the time-out chair. “She’s always sending us to exotic places like the principal’s office. She deserves to take her own exotic, one way trip to the desolate, lifeless surface of Pluto.”