So you recently, having succumbed to a particularly devastating bout of loneliness, made a Tinder account. Just a few minutes in, you logged off, aghast. What has become of dating nowadays? With all of the photographs of shirtless fellows, men holding fish, or even the rare combination, you wonder, where is the allure? The mystique? The thrill of the chase?
Fortunately for you, there have been reports of Cryptinder sightings in your App Store. Join hundreds as you download the only dating application you will ever need. Just upload a blurry picture of yourself and get swiping; Cryptinder will connect you with the cryptid of your dreams, checking compatibility through police reports, eyewitness testimony, and canon lore. When you think you’ve matched with the one, the hunt has only just begun. Indeed, once connected, you will be met with the opportunity to track down your date in their preferred domain. Can anyone resist the tantalizing possibility of charming the hunky-yet-soft-hearted Jersey Devil, the mysterious-and-slightly-older Lizardman, or the heartthrob Fresno Nightcrawler?
Take it from some happy couples who met on Cryptinder:
“I’m in Florida, and he’s from West Virginia, but we make the long-distance work. I know that if I turn on the porch light, he’ll drop everything to come to see me!” Sarah Beth & Mothman, Tampa, FL
“He sent me a cheesy line about my shoe size. But one thing led to another, and here we are!” Rodney and Bigfoot, Seattle, WA
“I never expected to find someone who loved bogs as much as I do. This app really has a cryptid for everyone.” Jessica & Hozier, Dublin, IR
With all of these credible claims, you better believe that your match is out there, just beyond the scope of belief, and only Cryptinder can gather enough evidence to make that pairing. So join Cryptinder and encounter your true love today!