Top 5 Ways To Drive The Serial Killer Behind Your Shower Curtain WILD

If you’re paranoid (see: completely woke and valid) like me, you KNOW that, alongside the faceless woman living inside your walls (hi Deborah!), there is absolutely 100% a creepy psycho killer that stands behind your shower curtain 24/7. And worse, he is WAITING for the day you forget to check there before you go pee. So honey, HERE are the top 5 ways to drive Mr. Jason-Voorhees-wannabe so wild that he forgets he even wants to kill you!

Number One: Tease Him

This is a simple trick that works wonders. Spice up your routine by waiting a just a few thrilling seconds after closing the door to see if he’s there. The tantalizing sensation of thinking you forgot about him will be Off. The. Charts!

Number Two: Set The Mood

WHAT sort of serial killer would want to brutally murder their victim under fluorescent lights? Create a tension-filled ambiance by keeping the lights off while you use the bathroom, or fogging up the mirror with hot water. He’ll go MAD when he realizes you’ve created the perfect horror movie set-up just for him!

Number Three: Think Outside The Bathroom

That he follows you wherever you go is a given. So treat yourself to a hotel getaway, where he can enjoy a brand new shower curtain to lurk behind.

Number Four: Try Something New

The tea is, dramatically flinging the shower curtain open every time you enter the bathroom has gotten, well, played out. Instead, opt for more creative methods, like hiking it up so you can get a little peek under it, or standing on a chair to peep at it from behind. The key is variation, queen!

Number Five: Go For Quickies

STOP saving your bathroom trips just for “special occasions“. Pound back some of your fave Kombucha and hit the toilet at least 12 times a day. Not only does the scary bathroom guy get the ROLLERCOASTER experience of you entering six times more than usual, but your complexion with THANK YOU for the liquid intake! Wig on Mars!

Now, what are you waiting for! Put down your computer, take a shot of Brita water, and get started on pampering the Man of Your Nightmares, sister!