An Update from Gamecock Entertainment
Gamecock Entertainment recently announced via a cryptic Instagram post that they would have a new, recurring student outreach event. The post read, “Davis Field, Tuesday, 12 A.M., be there or be square.” Included in the post was a link to sign up, with the event cost included in the IMLeagues fee. Third, Spur decided to send our newest J-School journalism intern, Gerard, to report on the event.
Around 11:45 P.M., a crowd began to gather around Davis Field. Small talk ensued; most people stuck to twiddling their thumbs. At midnight exactly, the sound of a gong resonated throughout the crowd. The entire staff of Twisted Taco crawled out of the TCoop fountain pond, clad in black cloaks. As everyone stood confused, heavy smoke began to pour into the crowd. Bags began to be placed onto students’ heads, and everyone was dragged away.
After much struggle and commotion, the bags were removed. Students found themselves tied up in the backroom of Twisted Taco. One robe-laden employee began bloodletting in front of the group into a large, ornate chalice. One by one, all drank from the chalice. Slowly, people began to pass out.
Coming to, the group awoke in the secretive meeting room in the center of Gambrell Hall. Pastides stood at the front of the room with arms outstretched as if accepting praise. Gregorian chants began to exude from the cloaked people. Pastides turned his back to us all as two of the cloaked ones undressed him. They placed a cloak onto him. Pastides turned around, gazed at the crowd of us bewildered students, and then took his seat upon a throne of human bones.
Two cloaked ones approached Pastides with a baby—half lamb, half-human. The baby let out a distinct mix of human and sheep cries while Pastides loosened his robe, exposing two breasts. The lamb baby was then placed on his lap and began to breastfeed from him. As the breastfeeding continued, the chanting became louder, and the chords became more dissonant. It was almost unfathomably loud before silence.
The gregorian song stopped all at once, Pastides and the lamb-child placed on gas masks, and gas began to fill the room again. Next thing, students woke up again in Davis Field with festive goodie bags from the event, including vials of presumed Pastides’ breast milk.
Overall it was a hell of a time, and the entire writing staff will be coming next week to watch this wonderful new tradition!
