Laundry Hamper To Be Converted Into Laundry Pile

Proudly beaming at Thursday’s unveiling ceremony, sophomore Finance major Elizabeth Wolfe announced the short-lived laundry hamper will be converted into a laundry pile. The shift comes in the wake of a recent increase in laundry tonnage requiring more square footage.

“The hamper had a good run,” Wolfe said, describing its two week stint in the corner of her dorm room, “but it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. And that thing is the pile.”

Wolfe explained the change to skeptical attendees, saying, “We cannot allow ourselves to be constrained by these notions of ‘organization’ and ‘disorganization.’ There is no such thing as a binary in nature, only points on a line. And that’s what this pile is — a point on a line.

“Also, it’s much easier to toss clothes on an established pile than try and make it into a hamper, which I’ve discovered has a tremendously high rate of failure.”

Wolfe confirmed the pile was well underway, noting all that was left to finish was the removal of the overflowing hamper from underneath the spent clothes. Sources later reported Wolfe was already considering relocating the pile to the center of her carpet.