Breaking: New Reports Suggest New Student Government President Colluded with Russia to Win Election

Taylor Wright, the third year public health student and new student body president, won the election with just over 53 percent of the vote, but now some insiders are questioning those numbers.

Sophomore Elise McMillian is going on record as stating she believes that Wright and his conspirators have committed treason among other crimes in colluding with the Russian government. McMillian is demanding the Student Government launch a full investigation into the dealings of Wright and Russia.

“I just find it suspicious,” McMillian has stated in interviews. “I think there is strong evidence that Wright sought out the help of Russian hackers to sway the general populous into voting for him. By all measures, the exit polls and media coverage show that Dibona should’ve won, especially with strong endorsements from people like Drinking Ticket on Twitter.”

Russian intelligence experts, though, are skeptical of McMillian’s claims. Henry Dameron, a senior political science major who has a legit job offer in Charleston, says that the Russian government simply isn’t capable of pulling off such an endeavor. “Look, the voting system was airtight,” Dameron countered, “ has security measures too impressive to even begin to explain. I can say with confidence that the Russian government just wouldn’t be able to penetrate the site,” he said before giggling at the word “penetrate.”

The Russian consulate of South Carolina, a division of the Russian Embassy, responded with requests for comment with the following statement. “The claims that the Russian government had any part in influencing the USC Student Government election is simply outrageous. The Russian government has no ties to Taylor Wright nor Mills Hayes and wishes to dispel any further rumor on the matter. And if we did collude with anyone, it would totally have been Dibona because he was cool as hell and threw a party at Breakers for us.”

Upon further investigation by The Third Spur staff, it has been revealed that Vice President Hayes has taken several Russian language courses as part of an alleged “minor” though it is unclear if this is truth or a cover up. It is important to take into account that the only potential use for the Russian language is, in fact, collusion with the country.

McMillian is still pursuing her push for an official investigation, though. “Wright has been pictured with Putin and is a known ally of the Russian government,” she claims, “Now that they’ve got him into office, Wright will do whatever he can with his unyielding power as Student Body president of USC to help prop up the Russian nation.”

When asked to comment on the accusations, Wright simply answered, “it’s fake news, folks. There was no collusion. That picture of me with Putin is just a really, really cool Facebook profile pic. I also follow him on Instagram but only so my timeline isn’t all Fit Tea sponsor posts, I swear.”