Religious Studies Department Brings Figures Of All Faiths To Scream At Passing Students

In a new effort to expose USC students to the diversity of faith, this week the Religious Studies Department began bringing figures from all faiths to campus to scream at passing students.

One administrator, Sarah Daniels, told The Third Spur that the department was very excited about the program.

“People tend to put themselves in a bubble when it comes to religion. And at the University, we usually only see Christian preachers coming to campus to reprimand our students. But it’s important that we as a community are open to being loudly patronized by all religious leaders.”

With today’s college environment, which is rapidly losing connection to religion, students seem to be enjoying the cultural exploration.

“I got yelled at for my Chubbies by a Catholic priest and an Orthodox Rabbi today,” Chris Boyle, a junior, said in an interview. “Two different reminders I’m going to hell for this. I’m really loving this religious awareness.”

Reactions like this one are the reason that the Department of Religious Studies says they’re planning to expand the program to include cults, Wicca, and Hoodoo.

“We’ve got hundreds of passionate clergy-members in line for this opportunity,” Daniels explained. “We’re really lucky here at USC to have so many volunteers willing to come and repeatedly berate our students with their faith.”

At press time, a group of students was enjoying an ear-splitting lecture from a Buddhist monk as they made their way to class.