Date To State Fair Somehow Goes Terribly

Rory Morton, 18, somehow managed to have a terrible date to the South Carolina State Fair on Saturday, sources say. The freshman, who escorted classmate Michela Johnson to the event for a night of fun, light romance, failed to generate any spark despite the near perfect conditions for a story-book evening of passion.

Morton reportedly failed to garner any chemistry with Johnson while walking through the alluring, flashing lights of the carnival, set in stark contrast against the beautiful, star-lit night sky. This was despite, bystanders said, a scene that would surely cause even the most callous soul to drift away into the intoxicating haze of love.

The pair was later spotted atop the Ferris Wheel, looking out over the city skyline. Seemingly defying all logic, the scene that for any other couple would have evoked a sense of wonder and awe, was unable to bring Johnson and Morton to look into each other’s eyes, if only for a fleeting second, and recognize that the night would be unforgettable.

The couple shared a cotton candy at the evening’s close, but there were no reported signs of an electricity in the air as Morton ever-so-lightly grazed Johnson’s hand, she biting her bottom lip and looking up at him with her doughy brown eyes.

At press time, it was unlikely there would be a second date to a park where they could spend the day picnicking on a row boat, only to be caught in the rain- oblivious to their discomfort due to the excitement of their young love.