Football Game Vomit to be Collected, Recycled into Carolina Cards

In a press release sent out today, the University of South Carolina Athletics Department has announced that 200 vomit-only “Spew Sacks” will be installed throughout Williams-Brice Stadium. The vomit will then be recycled to make Carolina Cards.

According to the press release, the Spew Sacks will be located alongside currently-existing trash cans and recycling containers. 150 receptacles will be installed in the student section alone. Each Spew Sack will be piped directly to the Carolina Card office in the Russell House basement. The entire process, from discharge to the final product, is expected to take 30 minutes.

In a statement, Athletic Director Ray Tanner praised the decision, saying that the Spew Sacks will be a welcome addition to the University’s recycling program. “It is abundantly clear that many of our students are lightweights, and can’t handle more than a few drinks. Vomit is an untapped resource that can be recycled efficiently. If they’re going to pass out in the first quarter, they might as well contribute something positive.”

The University estimates that over 1,500 pounds of vomit will be collected each home game, creating approximately 500 new Carolina Cards. To afford this venture, the University plans to raise tuition by $300 per student. The Spew Sacks will be installed by the start of the 2017 football season.