Getting Your Money’s Worth: 11,482 Reasons USC is Worth Every Dollar
When you’re going through college, there is always one question that sticks out above the rest: Is it really worth it? I’m here to give answers. For the sake of time, I’ll be using in-state tuition, but I promise to account for every dollar.
Reasons 1-15: Football
Reason 16: Beyoncé came here once
Reason 17: Mascot is an angry chicken
Reason 18: The hill on Bull Street is at an 80° angle, which is nothing compared to some of the more mountainous campuses
Reason 19: Class gets cancelled when it rains
Reason 20: Most of the professors know how to operate a computer
Reasons 21-82: You’ll have less debt than you would have if you went to Clemson
Reason 83: You get a lanyard at Orientation
Reason 84: There are a wide selection of classes that have open spots because no one wants to take them
Reason 85: Our Expo markers work occasionally
Reason 86: Great underage drinking scene
Reason 87: You can get a great parking spot if you get to campus before 8 AM
Reasons 88-253: Shirts that say “cocks”
Reason 254: Half of the safety call buttons are functional
Reasons 255-394: Some of the dorms don’t have carpeting
Reason 395: Squirrels don’t attack that often
Reason 396: Football
Reason 397: It’s very diverse, there are dozens of shades of white people
Reason 398: Blackboard only goes down for maintenance once a month
Reasons 399-875: At the DMV, you can contest the points on your license that they give you for jaywalking
Reason 876: Student Counseling Services can usually see you within a month or two
Reason 887: Jehovah’s Witnesses are on every corner just about every day of the week
Reason 888: Sandstorm only gets old after the 100th time you hear it
Reasons 889-3,472: The roads will probably be really good in a few years
Reason 3,473: If you don’t have a pencil, you can probably find one in the street
Reason 3,474: Sub-par education
Reason 3,475: Garnet isn’t so bad as far as colors go
Reasons 3,476-8,227: If you knock on the door at the President’s house and ask for $20, he is legally obligated to give it to you
Reason 8,228: There’s typically only one controversial event per semester
Reason 8,229: You could be a television star on Live PD
Reason 8,230-10,327: The WiFi works really well when you’re not using it
Reason 10,328: The wait times in Russell are only 35 minutes
Reason 10,329: Same as reason 3,473 but with beer
Reason 10,330: There are several empty rooms in Close Hipp that you can throw parties in at any time of the day
Reason 10,331: The furthest distance you would have to walk between two classes is like two miles
Reason 10,332: This dollar is reserved for metered parking
Reason 10,333: You can eat virtually any plant on campus without dying
Reasons 10,334-11,479: Your professor has to pass you if you say “Howdy hey, gimme an A” when you hand in an exam
Reason 11,480: Only 1/4 of the bricks are loose
Reason 11,481: Most of the squirrels are rabies vaccinated
Reason 11,482: They pretty much admit everyone, so you’ve got that going for you
If I haven’t convinced you by now that USC is worth every penny, come back next time when I do out-of-state tuition and fees.
