Red Cross Volunteer Accidentally Fills Student with 50 Gallons of Blood

During the ongoing Carolina-Clemson Blood Drive, Red Cross volunteer Warren Douglass accidentally filled Sophomore Hannah Martin with 50 gallons of donated blood, a significant amount more than the 1.2 gallons of blood in an average human body.

“Whoops,” said Douglass, after noticing his mistake. “I accidentally had the blood machine set to ‘blow’ instead of ‘suck.’ My bad.” Douglass’ mistake means that all previous donations are no longer viable.

“This is actually fairly common occurrence,” said a representative of the Red Cross, attempting to address public concern. “There’s not really anything we can do to fix this, but it’s not really that big of a deal.”

Martin, whose face was puffy and colored a dark reddish-purple hue, did not respond to requests for comment.