Cocky Outed In NSFW-Film With Big Bird

The University is in a state of disarray after a pornographic-film of Cocky and Big Bird found its way onto the Internet. Students woke Monday with a link to an obscure website in their Outlook accounts. While the website had advertisements offering discounts on Xanax, codeine, and hit-men, the most striking aspect was a video of USC’s mascot, Cocky, having sex with Sesame Street’s Big Bird. The title of this video is “Big Cock.”

The plot revolves around Cocky and Big Bird in a classroom arguing over why Cocky deserved extra-credit for an assignment. After the verbal altercation, the two push several desks together and begin having sex in order to, in the words of Big Bird, “relieve some left-over tension.” This goes on for eight minutes.

Cocky – a controversial character ever since his escapades in the Mascot Fight Club were brought into light –  was last seen sprinting out of The Global Café with a pair of too-small sunglasses on. The Third Spur has no further knowledge of his whereabouts at this time.