1. Do Exactly What I Say
Listen carefully, I’ve got intel on the zeroday you were asking about, but you didn’t hear it from me. I can get you access. From there, it’s all you.
2. Get to Your Machine
The vulnerability is on the Department of Psychology homepage. From there, search “USC MAINFRAME LOGIN NO PASSWORD” (no quotes). It’s the first link.
3. Gain Access to the Entire University Mainframe
I’ve never gotten this far before, so I’m not sure what to expect. Look for something that says “Final Grades for CHEM 111 2014”. There!
4. Trigger a System-Wide Countdown to Lockout
What the fuck?! You’ve only got about 30 seconds before we’re totally fucked. You ever been to e-jail before, bro? I can’t go back to e-jail. Do your shit.
5. Discover the File is Password Protected
I knew you were gonna screw us over with this plan. We’ve got 22 seconds. Start guessing, genius.
6. Suddenly Recall a Brief Anecdote Your Professor Gave About His Beloved Dog, Lucky
There’s no fucking way that worked! You’re not a human. DO IT, NOW!!
7. Do It
A 95 on that second midterm sounds about right to me.
8. Delete Your Digital Footprint So the Feds Can’t Trace It Back
Whew, we’re free and clear, baby. Burn your phone, and never IM me again. You’re a dangerous S.O.B. It’s been nice hacking with ya. See you on the forums.