Professor Ratio’d By Student, Dies

Professor Ratio’d By Student, Dies

March 22, 2022 bozo, campus, cringe, divorced, l, ratio, twitter

Shocking developments are coming to light after a student allegedly ratio’d his professor.

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

The Voices Behind the Close-Hipp Construction Team

April 8, 2019 campus, Close-Hipp, construction, interview, USC

For many USC students who take classes in Close-Hipp, the construction team is a constant in their daily lives. It’s

Campus Letter to the Editor Opinion Spring 2019 Edition 3

Letter to the Editor: Apologize for Discriminating Against the Illiterate

April 8, 2019 apology, campus, drama!, we're sorry

First of all, how dare you?

Campus Opinion Spring 2019 Edition 3

Pastides’ Successor has “Big Shoes to Fill”

April 8, 2019April 10, 2019 big, campus, Pastides, president, shoes, USC

Personable. Hardworking. Size 15. These are some of the traits students are looking for in our next USC President. There

Campus Developing Stories Spring 2019 Edition 3 World

Long Lines Result In State Of Emergency At Russell House Chick-Fil-A

April 8, 2019 campus, chick fil a, cow, Pastides, pizza

“When I finally saw the cow coming around with pizza, I knew I could pull through.”

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

USC to Switch to New Online Education System Whiteboard

April 8, 2019 Blackboard, campus, USC

For several years, students at USC have been accustomed to logging onto the online educational platform known as Blackboard. However,

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

USC Geography Professor Developing New Capitals of the World Minor

April 8, 2019 campus, classes, professor, USC

Dr. Anaya Robinson fondly looks back on the first world capital city she learned as a child. Today, she is

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 2

Four Students Obliterated and Consumed After Viewing Pastides’ True Form

March 21, 2019 campus, flesh, Pastides, vaporized

“They must have witnessed his emergence from his shell of a human body.”

Campus Politics Spring 2019 Edition 2

Gamecocks Claim Ellis True Winner of Election, Declare Rankin’s Win Fraudulent

March 21, 2019 2019, campus, Ellis, government, Luke, Patrick, Rankin, student

On Wednesday night, after days of unrelenting and scandal-stricken campaigning on Greene Street and social media alike, the 2019-2020 student

Campus Politics Spring 2019 Edition 2

Campus Totalitarians Call for Stricter Student Government

March 21, 2019 campus, government, student

As the election approaches and the student government slowly crumbles at the hands of the Daily Gamecock, self-proclaimed Supreme Leader

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 8 Sports

6 Things You Could Use as a Shirt for Football Games

December 4, 2018 campus, fashion, football, sports, tailgate

Who would have thought the bandana idea would take off?

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 7

Letter to My Professors: If I’m Late, I’m Late

November 15, 2018 campus, classes, late, professor, tardy

I’ll get there when I get there, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 7

USC Student Diagnosed with Hypothermia Due to ‘Arctic Conditions’

November 15, 2018 campus, cold, health, hypothermia, temperatures, weather

“People just don’t realize how bad the winters in South Carolina are.”

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 7

USC Launches Sticker Success Center To Help Students With Difficult Redbubble Choices

November 15, 2018 campus, laptop, stickers, success

“A simple ‘Saturdays are for the cocks’ sticker can go a long way.”

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 6

BREAKING: USC President Pastides Revealed to be Cocky’s Father

October 31, 2018 campus, cocky, father, Pastides, son, USC

A paternity test has confirmed their relationship.

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 6

Chick-fil-A Changes Name to ‘Southern Kitchen’

October 31, 2018October 31, 2018 campus, chick fil a, food, Russell, southern kitchen

“Nope, this is Southern Kitchen. If you are looking for Chick-Fil-A, I would go upstairs.”

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 6

Startup Spotlight: Local, Young Entrepreneur Sells A Vision

October 31, 2018October 31, 2018 billionaire, campus, entrepreneur, Freshman, millionaire, startup, student

“I’m going to be a multimillionaire at the end of this year.”

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 6

Help Wanted: Parent Chaperones for Non-Alcoholic Five Points Club

October 31, 2018 alcohol, campus, Five Points, students

Apply here if you are a parent who wants to help keep your children safe in Five Points!

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 5

Missing Father Found After Getting Lost During Family Weekend

October 17, 2018 campus, dad, Freshman, lost

“He just doesn’t have any situational awareness or sense of direction.”

Fall 2018 Edition 5

Apartment For Rent: Animal Enthusiast Looking For Roommate

October 17, 2018 apartment, campus, pets, roommate, snake

I’d love for you to come live with us, I mean me!

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 5

Students Fall Victim to Pastides’ Shin Kicks

October 17, 2018 campus, Pastides, Russell

“If I go down, so do you!”

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 4

Depression Rates Plummet After Stigma Free USC Week

October 9, 2018October 9, 2018 campus, mental health, students, USC

The mental health awareness event proved to be a big success.

Fall 2018 Edition 2

Job Offer: The Coolest Internship in Town!

September 16, 2018September 16, 2018 campus, internship, jobs

You definitely want to apply for this super fun and interesting internship!

Fall 2018 Edition 2

Opinion: This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Two Of Us, Florence

September 16, 2018September 16, 2018 campus, florence, hurricane, sandstorm

I, Darude’s Sandstorm, challenge Florence to a death match.

Fall 2018 Edition 2

8 Things You MUST Do Before You Graduate from South Carolina

September 16, 2018September 16, 2018 campus, graduation, student

8 USC classics every student should do before they graduate!

Fall 2018 Edition 1 Uncategorized

Cover 3 to Become the Latest Addition to Renovated Russell House

September 2, 2018 campus, Five Points, Russell

Cover 3 becomes the latest establishment to be added to the newly-renovated Russell House.

Fall 2018 Edition 1 Uncategorized

Study: Conversion to Christianity Increases by 40% Following Popsicle Giveaways

September 2, 2018 campus, popsicles, religion

Researchers are closely examining a link between involvement in campus activities and free popsicles.

Campus Entertainment Spring 2018 Edition 7

Freshmen Fashion Week: The Hottest Looks from Students Realizing College Has No Dress Code

April 16, 2018 campus, fashion, freshmen

“As I started noticing some upperclassmen around me, it dawned on me that I can wear literally anything that I want.”

Campus Developing Stories Spring 2018 Edition 6

Advising Office to Student Body: “You Aren’t Getting in that Class… Bitch”

March 31, 2018March 31, 2018 campus, classes, registration, USC

“You’ll take a 9:40am lecture with the worst professor we’ve got and you’ll like it.”

Campus Spring 2018 Edition 5

Aging Expo Marker Trying Its Hardest to Not Dry Out

March 6, 2018March 6, 2018 campus, marker, one more day, petigru

An expo marker in Petigru is simply taking it one day at a time.

Campus Spring 2018 Edition 2

Investigation: One Desperate Student’s Embarrassing Dash to Her Shuttle

February 5, 2018February 5, 2018 bus, campus, running

On Tuesday afternoon, a sophomore was seen speed walking through the Horseshoe in an attempt to catch her shuttle back

Campus Spring 2018 Edition 2

Guy Wearing High School Hoodie Finally Finds Former Classmate Who Also Goes Here

February 5, 2018February 6, 2018 campus, high school, Russell House

“I decided to wear my Thurwell High Eagles sweatshirt everyday until I found him.”

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 7

Housing Review: Living in Maxcy-Gregg Park

November 18, 2017 campus, community, homeless, housing, USC

Maxcy-Gregg Park is the latest option for on-campus housing.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 7

Foreign Language Department To Add ‘Basic White Girl’ Course Next Semester

November 18, 2017 campus, language, USC

The addition comes after thousands of requests crashed the department’s Twitter page.

Fall 2017 Edition 6 Sci-Tech

Chem 111 Student Finishing Lab in 20 Minutes Nominated for Nobel Prize

October 22, 2017October 26, 2017 campus, chemistry, nobel prize, science

Christopher Halton is an exercise science major, currently unsure about his plans for after his undergraduate studies.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 6

Student Finally Just Using Group Chat to Find a Weed Dealer: “Fuck It”

October 21, 2017October 26, 2017 campus, drugs, GroupMe

The struggle faced by a freshman USC student to find drugs has finally ended today with one simple GroupMe message.

Fall 2017 Edition 4 Opinion

Opinion: You Mind if I Grab this Chair?

October 8, 2017October 8, 2017 campus, friends

Hey, man, how’s it going? Nobody’s sitting here, right?

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 3

Student Trapped in Quicksand in Earth and Water Science Building

September 30, 2017October 1, 2017 campus, quicksand

Freshman Steve Montaigne was found deep in the Earth and Water Science Building after being missing for two days.

Opinion Spring 2017 Edition 9

Open Letter to the Guy Currently Sitting in my Unassigned Seat

April 8, 2017April 8, 2017 campus, class, college

I’ve sat there all semester and now you take a load off in my goddamn seat, you prick?

Opinion Spring 2017 Edition 9

Opinion: We Should Cancel Classes for More than just Meaningless Sports Victories

April 8, 2017April 8, 2017 campus, class, opinion

Alicia attended her 8:05 for the third time this month? Cancel class.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 8

Laundry Hamper To Be Converted Into Laundry Pile

March 24, 2017 campus, laundry, student

Sources later reported Wolfe was already considering relocating the pile to the center of her carpet.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 8

College Libertarians Hurt by Remarks on Free Speech Beach Ball

March 24, 2017 campus, college, free speech, Libertarian, mean

The group, which was criticized last year for displaying signs on Greene Street bearing swastikas and other controversial symbols, told Third Spur that it had hoped passing students would have been nicer.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 7

Opinion: Spring Break Was Fucking Lit

March 17, 2017 campus, college, spring break, vacation

Go big or go home, am I right??

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 7

Honors Fire Alarm To Be New Wake-Up Call System

March 17, 2017 campus, dorms, USC

The daily blaring fire alarm will be introduced in all the dorm buildings next semester.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 6

Excess Quesarittos Escape Cage at Russell House Taco Bell

February 25, 2017 campus, food, Russell House, taco bell

The grilled Mexican goods have caused several thousand dollars in damage during their rampage.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 6

Professor Wary of Student Currently Initiating Small Talk

February 25, 2017 campus, professor, student

According to a report coming out of Dr. Amy Johnson’s office hours, the associate professor of Economics is growing increasingly

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 3

Student Government Prepares for Annual Week of Relevance

February 3, 2017February 4, 2017 campus, election, Student Government

‘You really have to get out there disrupt someone’s walk to class if you want them to recognize the existence of your organization,’ one candidate said.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 1

Students Return From Break With Renewed Sense of Anxiety, Self-Loathing

January 19, 2017 campus, self-loathing, USC

‘You don’t want your self-esteem hovering around normal for too long.’

Campus

Freshman Believes He Won’t Vomit a Third Time Tonight

November 24, 2016November 24, 2016 alcohol, campus, freshmen, mock trial

‘I mean, I’m basically empty at this point,’ Williams stated.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 8

USC Pregnancy Up 389% After Health Center Condoms Ruined by Prankster

November 17, 2016 campus, health, sex

SHC security footage shows the culprit in black gym shorts, a red beanie, and t-shirt with the message ‘Set Love Free.’

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 7

Five Points Called “Trick-or-Treating Nightmare”

November 3, 2016November 3, 2016 campus, Five Points, halloween

USCPD have announced that children will not be permitted to trick-or-treat in Five Points in the future.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 6

USC Meal Plan to Only Cover One Meal

October 27, 2016October 31, 2016 campus, food, USC

The swipe may only be used once per semester, and does not roll over into a new semester.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 5

USC Requests Ideas for New Racists to Name Buildings After

October 20, 2016 buildings, campus, racism, USC

‘There just aren’t many Strom Thurmonds anymore,’ one official said.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 4

Pastides Announces Free Smokes For President’s List Scholars

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 campus, Pastides, scholars

Pastides announced free packs of Newport menthols would be awarded to every student on the annual President’s List.

Fall 2016 Edition 4 Sci-Tech

Student “Engineering Pioneer” After Speaking To Female Classmate

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 campus, class, engineering

Male peers are calling this ‘the greatest advancement an engineer has ever made.’

Fall 2016 Edition 3 Opinion

Rant: Tropical Storm “Julia” Was Nothing Compared To My Bitch Mom

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 campus, opinion, Parents Weekend

Over Parents Weekend, there were two crazy things named Julia that came into town: the topical storm and my bitch mom.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 3

Students Suspended After Parents Get Too Drunk At ECU Tailgate

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 alcohol, campus, Parents, Parents Weekend

Nine students were suspended after their parents were reprimanded for drinking too much during Parents Weekend.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 3

Roommates Resume Masturbation Schedule After Conclusion Of Parent’s Weekend

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 campus, DJing Own Party, roommate, USC

USC roommates Steve Walsh and Mike Thompson resumed their masturbation schedule immediately after the conclusion of Parent’s Weekend earlier this month.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 3

Coker Vending Machines Voted Best On-Campus Dining

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 campus, food, USC

Fall student polls have revealed today that for the third year in a row, the vending machines in the Coker Life Sciences Building have been voted best dining on campus.

Fall 2016 Edition 1 Opinion

Opinion: Campus Sobriety Culture Excessive

September 15, 2016September 15, 2016 campus, drinking, USC

As new freshmen find their way around campus and into a lifetime of debt, it is important to realize that sobriety is stressful, and it is okay to say no.

Campus

University Administration Will No Longer Support Safe, Air-Conditioned Spaces

September 4, 2016 air conditioning, campus, safe spaces

The University of South Carolina says safe, air conditioned spaces are not in line with its principles.

Campus

Russell House Dining Hall To Be Converted To Study Hall

April 21, 2016 campus, Russell House, students

Responding to the results of a study taken during a recent lunch period at Russell House, USC administration announced today that dining services will be moved elsewhere in favor of converting the dining hall into a study hall.

Campus

‘Where Is The Quad,’ Visiting Father Continues To Ask

April 12, 2016 campus, father, tour

Across campus this week, father Tom Gladson, who is visiting USC with his daughter Stacy, continues to ask where he can find ‘the quad.’

Campus

University Ambassadors Have High Schoolers Fooled This Year

April 7, 2016April 7, 2016 campus, tour, USC

As many prospective students tour USC’s campus during their spring breaks, early reports say that USC’s university ambassadors really have this year’s batch of high schoolers fooled.

Campus

USC Begins Construction On New Construction Site

February 1, 2016February 1, 2016 campus, construction, USC

USC administration announced this morning that construction is planned to begin next week on a new, state-of-the-art construction site.