New 193-mpg Prototype Deemed ‘Not Stylish Enough’

The Rocinante, a new GM prototype vehicle, was unveiled this week to a massive anticipation. While the car does bolster an amazing 193 mpg on the highway and five passenger seating at a modest price, the reaction has been mostly negative- with most criticism focused on the car’s appearance and lack of stylish features.

“Yeah I get I can drive for 36 hours non-stop,” one consumer said in a focus group, “but why buy a car without an option for a sunroof or heated leather seating? That just seems stupid.”

Many of the scientists who are responsible for the prototype continued to cite the car’s overwhelming benefits. Charles Enright, team lead, addressed the concerns surrounding the Rocinante, explained through grit teeth that in order to make [The Rocinante] as efficient as possible, some aesthetic sacrifices had to be made. After his press conference, Enright engaged a critic who asked why the driver’s seat didn’t go back further. Enright had to be restrained by security, and was heard screaming “you can drive from Florida to Russia without stopping,” before being ejected from the premises.

Despite the stunning specifications of the Rocinante, many consumers can’t seem to bring themselves past the “ghastly” appearance and “lack of practicality”. One local man elaborated on his frustration: “My three kids are fat as shit, and there’s no fuckin’ way they’re gonna fit in that thing.” Another woman claimed that her reputation would be tarnished if she purchased the vehicle. “Can you imagine what the other lacrosse moms would say if they saw us driving that awful thing,” she asked her husband, exasperatedly. “We would have to move to another district.”

At press time, executives at GM indicated they planned to drop the prototype, in favor of a car that is “really really big, and loud as shit.”