Senile Grandma Over-Cooks Turkey for 17th Year in a Row

In a move that barely surprised her family, local 87-year-old grandma Ruth Givens over-cooked the Thanksgiving turkey for the 17th year in a row. The poorly-cooked turkey was the final error in a night that included Uncle Frank’s complaining about his ex-wife, racist comments on social issues, and a never-ending family photo shoot.

“I didn’t think it was possible for mom to butcher the same recipe 17 years in a row,” Givens’ son, Marcus, said. “Ever since dad died, she has had so much free time. You would think she would have spent some of that time in the kitchen.”

Givens’ grandson, Aaron, criticized the food. “Grandma’s turkey tasted like a dirty old tree branch. My meat was shiny and tasted funny; I think she forgot to take the plastic off.”

At the end of the night, Ruth was seen asking her granddaughter how she can get on “the Facebook.” Not deterred, Ms. Givens says next year she will attempt to cook a mincemeat pie.