Freshman Believes He Won’t Vomit a Third Time Tonight

Steadying himself on his friend’s Mock Trial teammate’s bathroom sink, freshman John Williams reassured himself last night that he surely couldn’t possibly vomit a third time that evening. Sources report Williams, slowly splashing cold ester on his pale face, repeated “Nope, not again” into the mirror before drawing deep breaths and avoiding eye contact with his reflection.

“I mean, I’m basically empty at this point,” Williams stated to the empty stall, “how could IĀ vomitĀ again on an empty stomach?” before lurching into, then standing calmly above the porcelain.

At press time, Williams had stepped out of the bathroom only to suddenly rush back in.