Researchers have released a new study concluding that John Ellis, 20, from American Lit, is 100 % attracted to you.
The thirty page report cites frequent cases of fleeting eye-contact and brushing shoulders as concrete evidence that, “he would definitely say yes if you asked him out after class.”
After nearly 50 hours of close observation, the team of scientists is confident in the validity of their claim.
“At first we were unsure if our hypothesis would prove true,” explains Dr. Richard Cohen, lead researcher. “He seems like he would probably be out of your league, but we began to notice his attentiveness increase by 65% when you shared your work, and he so smiled at you when you asked when the next paper was due.”
He also explained that Ellis’ tendency to sit next to you, even when he’s late, and even though you sit in the second row, so it would be way easier for him to sit in the back or something, is a good sign.
“The numbers don’t lie,” Cohen added.
The team is still puzzled by the presence of a female in Ellis’ Facebook profile picture, but conjectures, “I’m sure it’s just a sibling or close platonic friend.”