Richland Deputies Host Tailgate with Confiscated Booze

Richland Deputies kicked back and relaxed Saturday during the Wofford football game, with a huge amount of confiscated beer. The deputies rented out spots in Memorial Lot, leaving several coolers inside their black Chevrolet Tahoe and blasting 80’s rock hits.

Sheriff’s Deputy James Duncan told The Third Spur, “We’ve been working hard these last few tailgates acquiring the beer from all the underage kids. We grab kids randomly and make them lead us to their tailgates- it’s real easy from there. We just take their beer and if they look really upset, we tell them we are going to report them to the school. Really fucks with them, good shit.”

Last season deputies had simply waited for the game to start and the lots to clear, at which point they would collect unopened beer to keep the tailgate going.

“It worked really well for a while, but more deputies started coming to Memorial so it got tough to find beer for everyone. Some asshole left us some Mike’s Hard- I mean, how are we supposed to earn respect drinking that fruity shit? We took what we could get though. Worse, those little [students] started securing their stuff in their vehicles before they went to Willy B. We started opening vehicles for ‘safety reasons’ but the DA told us we couldn’t keep that up.”

Duncan believes that the deputies have scared off the majority of the underage crowd from the lot, and insists that the 46 cases of Busch Light they confiscated will last through the football season.

“I think it will. I know Bob’s had a serious drinking problem since he failed to meet his MIP quota last month, but we can control him. Now that the kids are gone, we really don’t have much to do here but drink.”