Fellas: Is Yelling About Cocks Gay?

Alright fellas, I think it’s finally time for me to address the question that’s been weighing on everyone’s minds recently. Is saying the word cock, even if in a completely non-phallic context, still gay?

I mean come on, I’m as straight as the next bro, but a bunch of sweaty guys around me screaming about cock? I mean who wouldn’t get at least a little turned on? Anyway, I did some digging and a recent study done by my friend Brad shows that the number of guys muttering a hearty “no homo” after each chant is steadily decreasing, probably.

I mean I definitely like girls, but after a good two hours surrounded by all this “cock talk” what person in their right mind wouldn’t crave the firm yet tender kiss of another man? I mean seriously, what straight man can just scream about cocks, and not stay up at night dreaming of marrying this guy, Jonathan, who sits two rows in front of me in Chem.

It’s not like I’m gay or anything, but after the hours smashing tables in the frat lot it’s nearly impossible for me not to long for the days when Jonathan and I are sitting by the fire of our ranch-style house, with our two dogs Summit and Willow. Our grandchildren will ask how it was that we fell in love, “It was those cocks”, I chuckle pulling Jonathan closer, “those damn cocks.”

Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but I’ve gotta go, Jonathan and I are going to dinner, just so I can conduct an extremely heterosexual interview about his opinion on this whole thing. Till next time dudes, Jake Witherby signing off.