Nation’s Whites Thrilled To See Coldplay Perform At Super Bowl

During this year’s Super Bowl Half Time performance, every white person in the nation reportedly took a break from discussing Downton Abbey and poorly recreating “The Dab” to enjoy Adult-Alternative music group Coldplay.

As Halftime Coordinator Shaun Johannson said in a press release: “The Super Bowl Halftime Show should embody America: fun, loud, and solely targeting the 30-to-50-year-old, middle class, white demographic.”

As local man Neil Abernathy said, “My friends and I were so excited to see Coldplay perform, and barring a surprise entrance by the Dave Matthews Band, it was the best halftime show possible.”

At press time, Abernathy and all other white people were completely unaware that Beyoncé performed in the Half Time Show, deep in deliberation about whether “Yellow” or “Viva La Vida” deserved the title of best Coldplay song to date.